But no. I don't.
See this thing about figuring out who I am is coming up because I am trying to "define my ministry".. its a Christiany way of saying... I am trying to put a name to the things that God is doing in my life, and present them to YWAM LA so that together we can figure out how to be more affective in the city.
I know I want to help girls. I want to hug them, love them, teach them, and listen to them. I know I am passionate about beauty issues. Body image. Eating disorders. I know that my heart longs to see people in the arts, entertainment, & fashion industry come to know the awesome love of Christ. I know that I like to talk to strangers. I like to write. I like to speak. I like to dance, act, model. And I like Jesus. A LOT. I honestly believe that He changes lives. I also believe that His words are true. Even though they make me uncomfortable at times.
That's all nice. But in the real world I need to have a structure and a name... almost like I need to brand & market myself, in order to commit my life to this full-time. That's tricky.
So I am starting with my blog. Here is a few weeks I will relaunch my bloggy in a more focused way. A way that more clearly communicates who I am and what I do. Note that... "who I am".
Who the heck am I? I don't even know.
I know that I struggle a lot.
I went to coffee with my friend Nova the other morning ((PS. she has an incredible heart & an incredible blog... nova-spark.blogspot.com)) She is really great. Beautiful. Talented. Norwegian-- which means extra beautiful. We often get asked if we are sisters.. which I have to confess is one of my favorite compliments. You will understand when you see her. And the best part about her is that she has more faith than anyone I know. She is like a modernday Noah. She hears God and goes for it. Even if nothing points to things working out. She just trusts God.
But you know what happened at coffee the other morning? We realised how messed up we are. We both struggle with lust. We both have thoughts that are repulsive. We are both selfish. We both battle insecurity. We are both messed up girls trying like crazy to keep our eyes on Christ. But after talking, crying, laughing, and praying... we left our date certain of 2 things...
1) We can't actually do the things God wants us to do alone.
2) We NEED to be open with other people about how much we struggle. So that together we can ALL be free.
As we were leaving that cafe I asked a waitress to take our photo. She was wonderful. She took the picture & then looked at it and said, "Wow, beautiful princesses."
WOW BEAUTIFUL PRINCESSES?? haha that is what God wanted us to know as we left that cafe? After confessing the filth in our hearts... & trust me... it was filthy... yet still the final word for us was BEAUTIFUL PRINCESSES.
That is powerful.
So I guess that is the word for today. Beautiful Princess. We may not know who we are. We may struggle with all kinds of issues. We may sin. No... we will sin. Yet still, we are so hidden in Christ, that God looks upon us and says,
"Wow, beautiful princesses."
I guess that is who I am. I don't have all the other stuff figured out. And I haven't overcome everything I need to yet. But today I am going to rest in being a beautiful princess. I hope you will too.
"The King is enthralled by your beauty, honor Him for He is your Lord." Psalm 45:11