Hi! My name is Carrie and I am so honored to be sharing what the Lord has done in my life on my wonderful friend Jessica Hover’s blog! Jessica has been an amazing influence in my life and the Lord has taught me so much through her and has used her to speak life to me over and over again. I sincerely believe that the Lord crossed our paths together so I could learn from her and grow with her as we walk together through a world that tells us we are never good enough and to never be satisfied with what we have. She has been a wonderful friend, sister and encourager and has shown me so much joy and how to live in that joy.
My journey through life has had some bumpy times, as everyone’s does. I struggled through high school and especially college with my identity. I looked to other people for my worth, especially to guys. I wondered what they thought of me. Was I good enough? Was I funny enough? Was I smart enough? Was I beautiful? In my pursuit to fill my identity up in other people, I began to lose sight of who I was in Christ. The world and other people consumed me. I lost sight of who I was and what my purpose in life was.
I was also in a relationship with a guy. He never made me feel beautiful. I placed all of my value and worth in him and in our relationship. I began to really dislike myself and the person I was. I listened to him and his opinion of me and those around me instead of listening to what my Lord Jesus thought of me. It was a sad time in my life. I stopped believing I was worthy and beautiful and had purpose.
It wasn’t until the fall of 2010 when I came to YWAM-LA to do a Discipleship Training School (DTS) that I began to have a change of heart. When I came, I was still very confused about my identity and I still had a ton of brokenness that was un-dealt with. During this school was also when I met Jessica. Slowly, God began speaking to me throughout the months of my school about my identity and who I was. He was using others to encourage me and speak truth over me as well as showing me that He can speak to me and wants to speak to me! It was an incredible transformation that began to take place. It started deep, really deep.
He began to reveal to me how much the enemy lies. Satan is SO threatened by us. He knows the Lord has good and amazing plans for us and he hates that. He will do all he can to destroy us and draw us away from those plans. He will tell us lies about our identity, our worth, our value. In John 8:44 it says “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” And in John 10:10 it says the enemy only comes to “kill, steal and destroy.” He will whisper lies in your ear all day to draw you away from the Lord. I had to start acknowledging these lies. I had to learn to decipher between the enemies lies and the Lord’s truth. That was challenging at times.
Then the Lord told me to do something that was really, really hard. Wear no makeup! I couldn’t even remember the last time someone saw me with no makeup on. And it wasn’t a short amount of time, but for 2 months! I was going to Thailand to share the love of God to the Thai people and I knew that if I wanted to demonstrate God’s perfect love, I had to love the person He made me to be. It turned out to be such an amazing time in my life. God did a miraculous work in and through me in that time. He spoke to me every day about who I was and how beautiful I was because I was made in His image! And it changed me; the way I acted towards others, my thought life, the way I saw myself, the way I viewed everything! I began to see with new eyes. Now that isn’t to say that I didn’t still struggle because I did. But when I learned to distinguish between the lies the enemy was throwing at me and replace it with the thoughts of God, it really changed my life.
Over the past 2 years, since my DTS, it has been an amazing journey with the Lord. God has taught me so much. He has spoken to me a lot through His Word because His word is truth and never changes and it is something I can always look to when I am struggling.
In Psalm 139, the whole chapter talks about how we are made in the image of God and how He knows everything about us. It talks about how His thoughts of us outnumber the grains of sand on the shore and how He never stops thinking about us. How AMAZING is that! It is so unfathomable to wrap your head around. But I love it, because it shows how beautiful and wonderful God finds us!
I now know how beautiful I am. He has even placed a calling on my life to walk out and demonstrate this freedom to others in any way I can. I know that I am made in the image of God and that is wonderful and magnificent. God has a true purpose and calling on my life and He cares about me, every single detail of me. It changes everything when you believe that. Our God doesn’t make mistakes. And He knew what He was doing when He created each one of us.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14