A letter from Karisse Schilling. "Dear 25 Year Old"

Karisse Joy Schilling
April 7, 1979 - May 18, 2016

Karisse was the joy girl. Not the cancer girl.

In September of 2007 I arrived to the Youth With a Mission campus in Los Angeles to attend a 6 month long Discipleship Training School. I was freshly 19 years old, eager to leave Colorado and intrigued by both Jesus and Los Angeles. Honestly I was probably more interested in LA than Jesus but God knew what was good for me and it all somehow landed me at YWAM LA. At the "Welcome Dinner" Karisse was the first person I talked to. Our first conversation was about our love for High School Musical and she won my heart by quoting Zac Efron.

Karisse quickly became a friend and a mentor in my life. She was someone I would go to for advice and encouragement. Even when we were just hanging out and laughing at Disney movies I was learning from her. She was also so positive and hopeful. She never acted like someone who had cancer. She was the joy girl, not the cancer girl. Despite being diagnosed over and over, and going through all kind of treatments from the time she was in her early twenties, cancer never monopolized our thoughts or conversations. We talked about it occasionally, but mostly it was just when she missed her mom and she was telling me about how Jesus had been faithful to take care of her after her mom passed away. Her mom died of cancer just a few weeks after Karisse was first diagnosed, and Karisse began her first cancer treatment the day after her mom's funeral.

Karisse was there when Shaun and I met. She loved Shaun from the start and was encouraging me to get to know him. We would talk about him over lunch dates in Los Angeles, and we even talked about him over a coffee date in Thailand when she came to visit my team in 2008. Karisse was the first person I called when Shaun asked me to be his girlfriend. She literally cheered.

Karisse lived an incredible life with the 37 years she was given. She was a missionary to 27 nations. She worked with IJM in Washington D.C. to help with major injustice issues around the world. She started a Justice ministry in Los Angeles to help see an end to human trafficking. Karisse was a blogger and an author. She even published a coloring book on Amazon for people to use when they are spending time with Jesus, she just wanted people to take time to rest, pray, and color in simple pages of swirls and scriptures. She was always making things more beautiful.

More than any of that though, what stands out to Shaun and I about Karisse was her extravagant love for people. She was a cheerleader of a friend. She spoke life and encouragement into our lives in moments when we really needed it, carving out time for coffee dates with me and sending us long Facebook messages reminding me how much she loves us and how much Jesus loves us and encouraging us to keep being faithful to the things God has called us to.

When I was 24 I decided to do this thing where I wrote friends of mine who were older and wiser, friends I wanted to be like when I grew up, and I asked them to give me advice about being 25. I was nervous about getting older and I thought it would be fun to not only receive their advice but then to post it on my blog so other friends could be blessed by it too.

Last night when I was going through old messages from Karisse I found her letter about turning 25. It is perfect and beautiful. So very Karisse. The odd thing is I never actually posted it on my blog and I have no idea why. Her response must have gotten lost in the midst of the other responses I received. I'm sorry I didn't post it back when Karisse was still here to see it but I am grateful I can share her advice now. I pray it impacts people even more deeply than it would have been then.

Karisse lived a good life. In fact she wrote in her will that she wanted us to wear bright colors and eat ice cream at her memorial because she lived such a good life. So that's what we did yesterday. We ate big bowls of ice cream and celebrated Karisse. Today I ask that you celebrate her again by reading her letter, taking her advice and even sharing it with a friend. It is written to 25 year olds but will speak to anyone.

Thank you so much. And thank you Jesus for Karisse. We are so grateful for her.


"Dear 25 year old, 

I now know some things that I wish I knew when I was 25 and I'd love to share them with you. Mainly I know that I am enough and worthy just the way that I am. I don't have to "do" certain things to have worth and value. The number on the scale does not reflect my value. It doesn't matter how much, or how little I weigh--my worth does not change! The ONLY place that I find true value is in who Jesus says that I am. And He says that I am worthy and beautiful and His princess. That is the value statement. I am enough. Any other message is an observation and does not hold power to destroy that identity.

If I could go back and tell myself something on my 25th birthday, I would tell myself to enjoy each day and find beauty in what it holds. I would remind myself not to panic about being single, but to instead find the good and blessings in every day. Each day holds something beautiful, even if it's the worst day of our life. Find the beauty and hold onto it. Focus on the good, and not the bad. Stop looking at that scale and comparing yourself to others!

A book that I wish had been written when I was 25 is "God Loves Ugly" by Krista Black. Seriously, it has changed my life. My perspective on myself, God and identity everything. If you only read one more book, you need to read this one. Read it slowly and do the homework at the end of each chapter. I "ugly cried" through the last 3 chapters in a good, healing type of way. Seriously, amazon.com right now.  

A movie I think you would love... Well, there are so many! I love a wide variety for various reasons and can quote almost all the ones I've seen! If you haven't seen "While You Were Sleeping" yet, just go ahead and buy it. It's a good time. If you haven't seen "Penelope" yet just buy that one too. The cinematography and design is absolutely stunning and the message is quite lovely too.

I think that we place more importance on our appearance than we should. Seriously, love God and love people. I think that's the basics of life. I think that worrying about my weight, feeling fat and having bad body image has stolen a lot from me. It's stopped me from trying things I otherwise would have and has stolen joy from my life. Let's not hate the art God created in us. Everyone looks different, and that's lovely. Your beauty will come from your eyes, your choices, your words etc. That's what people remember. Now, let's be healthy. Let's put quality food in our body and use those muscles etc---but let's not put so much energy into hating our bodies and comparing ourselves. Don't let that rob you. Love God, love people. I say it again. Everyone is longing for love. Let God fill your heart with his message of worthiness--and know that you are "enough" just as you are. Bring that overflow to the people around you who are drowning and longing to believe that they are enough too. 

Have fun whenever you can, because life is short! 25 feels old, but it's really not! Live your life in a way that allows you to hear what God is saying to you and obey it. Smile, laugh, invest in people. Take a lot of pictures (and print them!). Save some money! Even if it's just $1-$5 a week start saving it in a jar if you have to! Collect all your spare change in a jar because it will add up! Sell a few things and get an "emergency" fund. Always keep $1,000 in savings (as best you can) so that when emergencies happen you don't immediately go into debt. Oh, and don't go into debt! Don't spend more than you have, but don't stress about every coffee you buy either! Every once in a while think about yourself at the age of 50 or 60 and see if you would be glad that this is what you did with your life. 

A fun idea is to do a 25 things before 26 list this year. (and then 26 things before I turn 27. And then 27 things before I turn 28 etc) Make a few big goals and a lot of small ones and cross them off as you do them. You could even take a picture of each thing and keep it in a little album (ex: go to a concert, fly on a plane, learn to crochet, learn a new recipe etc).  Also, put a little money aside each month so that you have some fun money to celebrate your 30th! Get a few friends together and go on a cruise, or a trip or to Disney--and then you have the funds ready.

Life is unpredictable. Control is an illusion. We think we have control of our lives, but we really don't. We don't know what tomorrow holds, so enjoy today. Love those around you today. Choose to invest in your faith and know God more. Choose to trust God when bad things happen. It's ok to be upset, angry, sad etc. be honest with how you feel (God knows anyway). Don't live your life to impress others and for pete's sake, stop comparing yourself to others! What a waste of time and energy! Learn to love the YOU that God gave you. Besides, you'll be all wrinkley in 40 years and you'll look back at this time and wonder why you didn't love the young body that you had! When you feel attacked, mess up, are having a fat day etc, chant to yourself "That's an observation, not a value statement" and remind yourself that you are enough and worthy as you are. Oh, and surround yourself with pretty things and quotes and Bible verses to help you remember that.  Buy yourself flowers sometimes whether or not you have a significant other. (and NOT having a significant other does NOT diminish your worth or say something negative about you!)  Now, go hug someone. Everyone needs a hug.

Also. Wear sunscreen EVERY SINGLE DAY. It protects you from wrinkles. (And cancer!) 

I rambled a lot!!! Love you!  

K" 

a He & She list.

The other day Shaun and I were sitting together in a meeting and I started doodling this "He & She" list in my journal. He decided it was pretty fun and started contributing too. After we finished I liked it so much that I decided I would share it on my handy dandy blog.

And so here we are! I hope it is as fun for you to read as it was for us to make! 

He & She...

He is 28.

She is 26.

They met when she was 19 and he was 21.

He was born in Rochester Hills, Michigan.

She was born in Great Falls, Montana. 

He is a night owl.

She is an early bird.

He is logical. She is emotional. 

He is hilarious.

She thinks she is too.

They both love sushi and public speaking.

They also love breakfast burritos.

She walks. He rolls. (Get it?) 

She loves to throw parties.

He loves to attend them. 

He is afraid of spiders.

She is afraid of heights.

He is not afraid to tell a company when he is disappointed in their product.

She is not afraid to do outrageous things in public.

He has been excited about having children since they got married.

She is coming around to it.

She loves all things Disney. 

He thinks Disney is overpriced.

He loves getting a great deal and is excited about practical gifts.

She loves going to pretty places and is excited about extravagant gifts. 

They both love to talk about leadership.

They both love to travel. 

They both think cats and dogs are just okay.

(Actually he might hate them. But she is in denial about that a little bit.)

He loves to be active. She really does too.

They both love the movie The Santa Clause. 

They both love to do life with friends.

He drinks iced coffee with milk and one pump of hazelnut. 

She prefers sipping hot lattes through a straw.

They live in a church. But they are staying with family in Huntington Beach tonight. 

They both think you are pretty amazing for reading this all the way through. 

photos by @sarahgrunderphotography. 

Letter Sparrow

Happy Tuesday Friends!

I wanted to write you because of something wonderful that I think you should know about! It's called Letter Sparrow and it is a shop on Etsy that my friend Kelly Hollstrom started! Her work is seriously beautiful and since I've already purchased some gifts for friends and seen how adorable the stuff looks in real life I think its time I spread the word. Especially since today is the first day of autumn which means its only a matter of time until we are listening to Christmas music and wrapping gifts and eating cookies and drinking hot drinks and watching Santa Clause movies and...
oh my heart is getting SO exciting just typing about it!

So since you'll be buying gifts for loved ones here soon anyway you might as well get a head start and swing by Kelly's shop to order something lovely! 

You can find her stuff on Etsy by following this link: https://www.etsy.com/shop/LetterSparrow

& you can also see her latest creations by following her on instagram: @lettersparrow

((The photo at the top of this post is from @ohmyprep who was doing some Letter Sparrow giveaways too so you should probably check her out while you're at it!))

Ps. She also designs my blog signatures!

Here are some photos from Kelly's instafeed 

along with a few items I bought for friends! 

because photos make life more fun.

Drove to Colorado with my cute-as-a-button sister Meredith. 

In Colorado for just a couple days but still managed to squeeze in time with some of my favorite friends on earth!! 

Family dinner on the back porch! 

Attended Melissa's bridal shower AND celebrated getting her braces off! FINALLY! No more jaw surgery!!!

Out && About in Colorado Springs. 

Porch time with beautiful Kristen. Finally met precious Ellis. && much needed fun with my sweet "twinny" Tara!! 

Breakfast at mom's in Cascade & the ever glorious Denver. 

Airport people-watching && delightful surprise reunions with old friends!! 

Back in LA just in time for the 4th!! 

Somehow managed to score an invite to sleep at a beach house in Malibu!!  

Beauty Arise meeting with Carrie & Emma! Tea party style! 

My beloved God-daughter Lily melting my heart first thing in the morning. 

Snuck a photo with this guy in church. Just because I fancy him. 

And a movie night with these beauties! Hooray! 

Dear 18 year old,

Me at 18. It's a beautiful photo (of course with plenty of editting done to it).
I didn't see myself then the way I see myself now.
I was newly following Christ, and freshly recovering from my eating disorder.
I'm SO thankful for everything these last 5 years have taught me. 

Dear 18 year old, 

I was thinking about you today. 

About how life was when I was 18. 

And how you might be feeling now. 

There are a few things I've learned over the last 5 years that I wish I knew when I was your age. I thought I should share some with you.

I hope this helps. 

1. "Fish are friends. Not food."

Remember that line from Finding Nemo? When the sharks say that over and over, when they are trying not to eat fish? 

Well friend... that line from the movie has inspired my first thought... Please remember it.

"Boys are friends. Not food." 

As cute as they are. They cannot fill you. Sometimes in our loneliness we end up going to guys for things they were never meant to give us... Like our identities. Don't do it. It will only leave you more insecure than before. Invest in healthy friendships with guys. You'll be pleasantly surprised by how fun it is to genuinely love them, rather than always focusing on ways of getting them to love you. 

2. "Don't give your cookie away." This is advice my friend was given from an African American woman last week... "Don't give your cookie away!" Meaning- don't give your purity away! You will want to. I know. We do it for lots of reasons. But please trust me. It is not the best way to do relationships. I've been there. I'll write more on the subject another time but my main point is that being sexual with someone makes you feel closer to them than you really are... It fogs up your ability to think clearly... It changes your priorities... And makes it much harder to know whether or not the relationship is truly healthy. It's not God's design. And even from an atheist's standpoint- it's just not smart. 

Oh and for those of you who would argue by saying- "But what if you marry him & find out he is not good bed?" My answer is this- when you have prioritized friendship & romance until you get married, then when you are finally married you will be so comfortable with him that you will have NO problem talking through your sex. He will be your best friend! You'll be able to figure out together how to make sex great & you'll have the rest of your lives to practice as often as you want!

3. Enjoy being right where you're at. 

Time goes more quickly than we realize. We like to focus our attention on going somewhere else, doing something else, or being with someone else. But just be here now. Love the people you are with. Soak up the moment. Laugh as much as you can. Spend time with your family. Look for creative ways to make things more memorable. Write sweet notes to your friends & teachers. Decorate things. Do everything possible to find fun in the mundane. Its amazing how boredom can steal our joy. One of my favorite friends in high school was Angie. She would always think of outrageous things for us to do that would make life more exciting-- Like dressing up in crazy costumes & heading to the mall. There is so much about life to be delighted in. Find it! 

4. Wear sunscreen. If you want to be tan try the lotion that makes you gradually darker. You will age much faster if you tan a lot now. Especially if you frequent the tanning beds. 

5. Short cuts take longer. 

I know. You wouldn't think so. But I keep finding out that they do. You skip something now only to find out it takes way longer to go back & do  it later. So do your homework. Even if you have to host homework parties where all your friends come over & you get your stuff done together. Anything to make homework more fun. Go to your classes. Try to actually learn Spanish... or German... or any foreign language, instead of just trying to pass the class...you'll use it later. Whatever the shortcut is... its probably not worth it, just be diligent now. 

6. Be gentle with yourself. 

This world can be hard on us-Reminding us of our flaws & harping on our imperfections. Continue to be kind in your thoughts toward yourself- there are enough people who will tell you that you can't do it. Go ahead & be your own biggest fan.

7. Say "thank you" when people give you compliments. 

8. Speak life.

Words are so powerful. Be careful with them. Don't gossip. Really, don't talk about people when they are not around unless you are specifically seeking help for how to fix a situation. You know when you are gossiping- It usually feels good, but it is at the cost of someone else's feelings. Oh & don't "Ask someone to pray for Brittany because she slept with Ryan." That is still gossiping about Brittany. Instead of speaking badly of people, try looking for positive things to say. Be an encourager. Lift people up. Friends will feel safer when they are around you if you don't speak badly of others, because they will know that you won't speak badly of them either. Be "that girl who never has anything bad to say about anyone". It doesn't mean that you don't sometimes think bad thoughts, it just means you practice self-control and don't say them. Once you start doing it, it will get easier. 

9. You are not fat. That's all. And you don't need to weigh yourself to see if I'm right. In fact I haven't weighed myself in years & my mind is very thankful for that. 

10. Find older people to invest in you. 

It helps so much. They'll have good advice when you need it. And hugs when you need them too. Tell them what you are going through & allow them to speak into your life. Even if you don't like all the advice that they give, they probably know some things that you don't know.

11. Everyone takes bad pictures sometimes. Don't get frazzled if you see a picture of yourself that you don't love. It does NOT mean you are ugly... There is a lot that plays into a good picture. Lighting is one key element. If that's off then anyone will look bad. 

12. Church is awesome.

Find a sweet one. Get plugged in. Go on a retreat or something that forces you to have friends. We are not meant to do life alone. We need solid people around us- people who love God, and people who will genuinely love us. Obviously church people aren't perfect. They are normal people. But they are lovers of Jesus & even in their imperfections they are great. Like you. Because you'll blow it too. So if you are all having grace for each other, leaving room for mistakes, you'll experience the fantastic gift of Christ-centered friendships.  

13. Read books. 

Do it. They will teach you, increase your vocabulary, & even quiet your soul- which is much needed in this loud world. (I'm a fan of anything by Francis Chan.) 

14. Guys do not think like us. I promise he is not mulling over your last text & asking all of his friends what exactly you meant when you said "yeah lol see you there." Try not to over-complicate things. Guys usually mean what they say. 

15. Sometimes certain music, magazines & movies can influence you to feel bad about yourself.

Just saying. I'm not an advocate of being a hermit. But I highly recommend thinking about whatever it is you are feeding your mind. In the same way you think about what you feed your body. Or what gas you put in your car. If you feed something garbage, it won't run properly. So if you start to feel really insecure, or constantly focused on temporary things like finding boyfriends, getting skinny, and having more money... figure out where the messages are originating. Guard your heart. Even facebook & instagram can cause you to start comparing yourself & your life to others... which can lead you to feeling miserable. If that happens, don't be afraid to unplug for a day. Whatever it takes to keep yourself free from self-hatred.

16. Don't feel bad if you don't have all the answers about your life & your future yet. It's a lot of pressure to be an adult & suddenly be expected to have a plan. Just take the next step, keep moving & be faithful with whatever is right in front of you. The rest will come. 

17. Starbucks 101: 

A latte is espresso with steamed milk. 

A cappuccino is espresso with mostly foam from steamed milk. 

A caramel macchiato is a layered espresso drink- meaning they typically serve it without stirring it. So the bottom layer is vanilla, the next is steamed milk, then the espresso is poured over the foamy top, and finally caramel is drizzled over the foam. 

And I always drink my Starbucks through a straw because it helps prevent my teeth from getting stained. Be careful though- straws make it easier to burn your tongue. 

18. Last one- i learned at 18 that to fall in love with Jesus is to fall in love with life. Relationship with Him gives meaning to everything. Get to know Him. Pray. Open up the Bible. Go to church. Listen to a podcast (I love the ones from Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church). God tells us that if we seek Him we will find Him. 

"Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him." 
Psalm 34:8

You are so precious.

Another one of me at 18.
Have fun being 18! It's a great year! 

I like you a latte.

Well.... its really more of a "cafe con leche"...
or at Starbucks they call it a "cafe misto"...
basically its just a delicious coffee with frothed milk.

But either way... 

its a favorite part of my morning routine.   

And by the way...
I really do like you A LOT. 
& I sincerely hope you understood the cute-ness in this blog post title. 

So this one is for my coffee drinking pals. 
Though tea-lovers will benefit too.
And if you're a cocoa girl... then you are in the right place.

I've decided to let you in on how I make a perfect cup-of-Joe.

But I'm going to name her the 

perfect-cup-of-Joy.

I think it fits better.

The key to this delightful drink is the frothed milk. Since I don't have a fancy milk-frother, I have resorted to a home remedy. It is working exceptionally well. 

1) Brew a pot of coffee. The coffee of choice varies... but I'm NOT a fan of "swamp water"... so if your coffee is disgusting... I don't think even my hot, bubbly milk will save you. 
2) For home-made frothed milk, I use a little blender. Mine is called "The Magic Bullet" and it works like a dream. Another option for this step is to just put a bit of milk in a closed container (like a mason jar) and shake it up for 10-15 seconds. 
3) After shaking or blending, put your milk in the microwave for 30 seconds. Watch it so that it doesn't bubble over. It shouldn't- but it may if it is filled too full.
4) Usually I blend it once more after heating it... I'm a HUGE fan of foam. 

5) By this point my milk is warm & foamy... But if its not quite hot enough, I'll pop it back in the micowave for a few seconds longer. 

6) Now its time to pour a cup of coffee. Make sure you use a mug that is both cozy & cute. I"m pretty certain that good mugs make EVERY hot drink taste better. 

(Remember that if you aren't a coffee fan- 

tea && cocoa would be yummy too!)

7) Next I add the milk. The liquid will pour quickly, but usually the bubbles stay in the bottom of the cup. That's when I use a spoon to scoop out the foam out & set it on top of the coffee. 

8) My sweetener of choice varies between Sugar in the Raw and honey. This week I've been a honey girl because I love the way it swirls on top of the foam. But sprinkling the the Raw Sugar on top is both yummy && pretty... so you can't go wrong.

9) And finally we have the PERFECT-cup-of-Joy to accompany some morning Bible reading & journaling. 

Bart and Melissa are gettin hitched!

Melissa and Barty got engaged! 

You know what I love most about their proposal? It was PERFECT for them. Bart knows Melissa's heart, he knows what she loves, and he did everything he could to make this moment perfect for HER... not perfect for any girl... but perfect for Melissa Danley. 

Reminds me of the way God loves us and how intimately He knows us. 

Psalm 139:1-4 (NLT) says,

 O Lord, you have examined my heart

    and know everything about me.

² 

You know when I sit down or stand up.

    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

³ 

You see me when I travel

    and when I rest at home.

    You know everything I do.

⁴ 

You know what I am going to say

    even before I say it, Lord.

God loves everyone.
And yet somehow He has the capacity to love each of personally. He knows us personally and delights in us personally. 

Marriage was created by God to be a picture of His love and commitment to His people... the Bible calls us "the bride of Christ". We are supposed to be able to look at married couples and be reminded of the wonderful, faithful, love of God. A God who will never leave us nor forsake us...

When Bart sent me a facebook message to inform me of his plans to propose to my childhood best friend... I was not only TOTALLY IMPRESSED by his plans... but also thankful... because through hearing about his love for Melissa... I could see, once again, the love that God has for me.

Bart adores Melissa. 

My God adores me.

Bart wanted Melissa to know that he would sacrifice himself for Melissa.

My God sacrificed Himself for me, in Jesus Christ.

Bart loves to do things that make Melissa happy.

My God loves to do things that make me happy.

Bart knows Melissa. 

My God knows me. 

So awesome.

Anyway, I am EXTRA excited to have Barty as my brother and CAN'T WAIT for that wedding! 

Here is part of the message that Bart sent me on Facebook before he proposed, so you can know how he did it.

He popped the question this past weekend... and let me tell you...

IT WAS PERFECT. Like a dream. :) 

Me and Mel are hanging out at her place till 4:10 or so when I'll tell her that I have a surprise for her. We jump in the car and start heading north. A friend of mine, wearing a black ninja mask and driving a vehicle that she won't recognize, will immediately follow us out of the neighborhood tailgating us and following our every turn. I'll keep turning around and make mention of it to make sure she notices. When she starts feeling uneasy about it, I'll pull into another neighborhood just to make sure that he's definitely following and not just a coincidence. Once it's confirmed, (we should be near or in black forest at this point) I'll tell her "There's a little sheriffs office on the north end of Fox Run Park. Let's just drive up there!" Once we get into the park, I'll suddenly "remember" that the road doesn't connect, and it's rot on the other side of these trees... Let's ditch the car and run over this hill to the station!!! Once I convince her to leave the car with me, we'll make it 20 ft on the trail when all of a sudden...... 20 of my friends dressed as ninjas jump out of the trees and bushes, surrounding us! The boldest of them will jump out and say something to the effect of "Give us the girl, and no one gets hurt!" To which I bravely reply "Over my dead body!" 

At this point, my friend with a guitar jumps out and starts playing theme music while an epic battle ensues! After I quickly defeat all the ninja assassins, I take her arm in arm and sing The Way You Look Tonight as my friend plays it on guitar. We walk around the lake, and finish the song as we reach the final location where there's candles and and lanterns hanging from a tree. Under the tree, she'll find a sheet draped over a table. Under the sheet, is a glass jar covering a single rose (just like in beauty and the beast:) attached to the rose is a love letter from her father essentially giving his blessing for the 2 of us. When she finishes reading the letter, she turns around and sees me on my knee at which time I make my great proposal 

We then head back to the car, which will be decorated with window paint and a bouquet of flowers waiting for her. We then go back to her parents house where they want to spend a little private time with her. And from there head to my house where a big party will be waiting for us 

I've got a friend taking pics of everything and another friend taking video of it all so all our bases are covered!

How awesome is that!!

PS. The men we marry are meant to love us in the same way that God loves us. If you are dating someone, or are interested in someone, and they do not resemble Jesus in their actions toward you... marriage alone WILL NOT change that.