Thursday, July 19, 2012

Fear of what others think.

So for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while-- you know I'm no stranger to the feelings of insecurity. No, unfortunatey insecurity and I are like dysfunctional lovers... we hate each other and yet somehow we just won't leave each other alone.
To be honest I hate being the girl who is constantly struggling with the way she sees herself. I wish I could be the gorgeous, fun girl who struggles most with something like time management, or occasional gossip. While I do wrestle with those two things often, it is no question that daily I'm most ravaged by the war in my mind to believe the truth about my beauty and my identity in Christ.
Sometimes its hell. Sometimes its not.
But most times I feel it, even if that day the struggle is not particularly brutal. 
Even just last night I was driving on the 405 and having to talk myself down, because my thoughts had gotten so mixed up in anxiety and comparison, and it took everything in me to believe that I was still beautiful, as I imagined myself standing next to some of my gorgeous model friends... feeling short... and big... and flawed.. next to them. 
It was silly. And so wrong. But still deeply painful. 
So as much as I hate being "the girl with the issues"... as long as God allows me to wage war with this stuff, I will continue to open about it with you.. in hopes that the insights I learn in this process, will encourage you in your own lives. I think we need each other. 

Which brings me to an important point that I'm learning- in order to fully walk out in the things God has for us, we need to be willing to lay down our "fear of man", or our fear of what people think... because living in that fear will ONLY hinder us. 

"The fear of man brings a snare,
but whoever trusts in God will be safe." 
(Prov. 29:25)

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