Tuesday, October 30, 2012

project beauty.

I don't really know what it is yet... but I know that I am doing it.
 PROJECT BEAUTY. I'm all in.

What do I mean?

Well... this week for some silly reason I have been struggling big time with the way I see myself.

Feeling all kinds of madness... too big... too old... too tall (to be a Disney princess)... too short (to model)... unorganized... disproportionate (small chest but bigger butt and thighs)... bumpy skin... yellow teeth ... strange nose...

I may sound like a big bundle of issues... but I'm okay with that. Because the truth is I do have issues, and so do you. I just feel especially burdened to put my issues on display in hopes that as I overcome mine, you will be able to learn from me and overcome yours too.

After laying in bed crying two nights ago because of my stupid insecurities, I feel like God is challenging to learn to love myself in an even deeper way.

See, I have been learning to love myself for the last 5 years. And trust me... I have come FAR. So I don't feel discouraged now, or surprised that I am struggling again.. because I see that life is a process and I am facing different things now than I did when I was 18.

But I'm ready to go deeper with God and experience a new understanding of His love for me. I'm ready, AGAIN, to conquer these insecurities and embrace who I am. I know that my appearance is a gift. I also know that my Creator loves how I look... HE delights in my features. I need to learn to love this body I'm in because I'm going to have it for the rest of my life.

Soooooo..... project beauty is happening in Jessica's life. I'm not copyrighting the name... and I don't need anyone else to join the project either. (Though if you want to join me please do!) Project beauty is just me getting buckwild about pursuing the truth of who I am in Christ.

It's day one of the project and here is where I am at....  
I am choosing today to encourage myself. The same way I would encourage a struggling friend.

Everytime I look in the mirror I will think of at least one thing I love about myself, and I will thank God for that thing.
And when I lay down for bed I will thank God for 5 things I like about myself.
I did it last night... and again this morning when I woke up.
That's all. Day one of project beauty is encouragement. Simple.

The Bible says in Genesis 50:20--
"But as for you, you meant evil against me; 
but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, 
to save many people alive." 

Satan wants to destroy us through our insecurities and perversions of beauty. He wants to convince us that we will never be good enough. But here is what I have decided... the more the enemy lies to me... the more I will pursue truth... and the more truth I find ... the more truth I will share... which means more freedom for both myself and others.

What the enemy means for evil against me, God will use it for good, to save many.
This is a sunset we saw in Tijuanna last week. There is really no better artist than the Creator of the universe. If He can bring forth this much beauty from an evening sky... imagine the beauty He wants to unveil in you and me...

1 comment:

Maryna said...

There is so much truth in your words! Thanks God for clarify those beauty-things to me again. I really need those words :)

You have a brilliant blog and I really love to follow it. So thnx for writing this and Keep it going!

P.S. I'm sorry about my english 'cause I'm Finnish and I have very poor skills with speak this language.