when i hate the journey.

I just want to get there. I don't want to be delayed. I don't want to stop for gas, in fact I actually hate pumping gas, and I just really want to go. If I have have to pee, which I probably will because I'm six months pregnant, I'll hold it. I don't have time for bathroom stops. Quite frankly I don't have time for wrong turns either. I only have time to go the right way, to do the right thing, and to make the right choices. So please let's just get on with it.

Oh... if only life allowed for people like me to have our way. But no. 

This week is reminding me that it doesn't.

Over the course of the last few weeks I have been working on a project that I had been dreaming of doing for a very long time. The initial idea of the project was fun and in the beginning, hopeful. I had shared the idea with some specific encouraging friends and their enthusiasm made the prospect of doing it all the more exciting. Eventually after much praying and brainstorming, I was able to round up the tools I needed in order to make the dream happen. My plan was that when I arrived here to Spain I would begin the long-awaited work of turning my idea something tangible. 

The idea couldn't stay in my head anymore, it was time to take shape.

But it's been exactly that shape-taking process that is currently sending me for a loop.

 I have made several attempts at getting this thing underway. My first efforts were exciting but ultimately didn't work for various reasons. In faith, I tried not to be bothered by the delays. My second full day of working on it proved to be less effective than the first, with literally everything I had planned to do falling through. This time it was harder to ignore the delays. 

 I tried again and after more hours of failed attempts, I still had nothing to show for any of it. 

My great idea was still just a great idea.

Days went by and I continued to direct my energy towards this once sparkly dream in my mind... Each day leaving me more and more discouraged. Which brings me to this day. The one I'm in right now. See, I thought I finally had breakthrough this week and managed to create something I loved, but when I revisited it this morning I decided I didn't love it at all. In fact I hated it. What I saw was not what I had pictured. It was so different. Too different. So, once again, I am back at the beginning, determining whether to give up on it or start again.

(( Big sigh.... ))

I'll start again. 

Not because I am remarkably resilient, because I don't actually think I am, but because I am convinced in my heart that this dream is about more than me. Also because my husband is convinced of it too, which means even if I tried to quit he actually, seriously, wouldn't let me. 

I'm thankful for that.

Starting again means facing that yucky impatient part of my heart that really hates the journey. I'd much rather get there than go through this process of finding my way. But I'm learning that the process is necessary. Because it's the process that opens our eyes to things we never would have seen before. 

Being here in Barcelona is helping me to understand how important a journey is, because I really really love to walk. I still hardly know my way around this city but that little detail hasn't stopped me from walking most places. Sometimes I go the right way and end up where I planned, and a lot of times I go the wrong way, still eventually getting where I meant to go, but accidentally discovering a whole new world along the way.

That's how the journeying thing goes. God knows it. So while He could allow us to just get places and do stuff and achieve things. He doesn't. He invites us to join Him in a journey, one that is messily comprised of both successes and let downs, peppered with right ways and wrong ways and a whole array of scenic routes, all ultimately leading us into becoming everything He created us to be.

All that to say, I will keep working on my project today. And as much as I wish I could just finish it and arrive at the end goal, I've committed to changing my perspective on this whole idea of "the journey". My goal won't be to simply get it done. My goal will be open eyes and open ears and an open mind to learn everything I can during this necessary and currently really annoying process.

I believe that one day I'll fulfill the dream on my heart. But even when I do I know this journey won't be over. It never is. There's always a new dream to pursue, with new wrong turns to take and new wonders to encounter along the way.

I don't know what kind of annoying journey you might be on today, but as a fellow traveler my humble advice it this: Go ahead and embrace the delays. Bathroom breaks are healthy. Pumping gas is necessary. And unexpected scenic routes actually end up being a pretty good time. 

God bless you friends. 

The Hover Latest

Hi friends! I hope you all are having a wonderful 2015 so far! It's been a little while since we have shared an update so I thought I'd take advantage of a free morning to get it done! Thank you to everyone who prays for us & gives to us financially to make these endeavors possible. None of this would be possible without you! 

Shaun was in China two weeks ago visiting our Calling All Skaters DTS team on outreach over there. He was doing what we call a "Pastoral Visit" - checking on the health of the team and the leaders, ensuring that our ministry partners over there are doing well, and joining the team in the ministry they are doing. He had an amazing time and has reported that the team is doing incredibly well. Here are a few videos he put together while he was over there! 

Last weekend we drove down to Ensenada, Mexico to participate in a Beauty Arise Fashion Show our Beauty Arise team produced there. YWAM Ensenada hosted the event as an outreach to their city & over 200 people attended! The models were women chosen from the community, young teens from the local safe house that our Beauty Arise team invests in weekly were seated front-row as the "guests of honor," & I was the featured speaker - sharing on the love of God & the value He has placed in each of us. Lizbeth Espinoza & Beauty Arise: Unfading Beauty YWAM-Ensenada directed & produced the whole thing! God was so faithful - taking care of every detail && we felt privileged to have been a part of the evening! Since the event multiple Mexican newspapers have posted articles about it. Here is a link to one:  http://ed.el-mexicano.com.mx/impreso/Ensenada/012815/28-01-2015_ENS_01E.pdf

Shaun just returned to California yesterday from a week-long pastoral visit to our Calling All Skaters team in Chile. The crew is doing great & he is excited to be home! Check out @callingallskatersofficial on Instagram to follow the work they are doing down there.

Next Wednesday I'll be leaving to serve another Models For Christ outreach to Fashion Week in New York City! Models For Christ ministry produces Fashion Week Outreaches, and provides support, encouragement, and community globally to fashion industry professionals through outreach and discipleship to reflect the light and love of Jesus Christ within popular culture.This will be fifth year helping to serve these outreaches and I am full of anticipation for what God wants to do in and through our team there. Please pray for us! 

On February 21st we will find out if our baby is a boy or a girl! 
We'll be having a gender reveal party to find out alongside our friends and to celebrate together just before leaving for Spain. We are TOO excited! We could actually find out the gender at our appointment next week but we are both party people so we think the waiting will be worth it -
even though we both SO want to know now!! The baby is due July 4th. 

Lastly we will be leaving for Barcelona on February 26th to launch the first ever Calling All Skaters DTS there. We have a team of people coming with us to help lead and staff the bilingual school. Since we will be delivering our babe in California we will only be there for the first 3 months of the project but we feel grateful to have such a solid crew to lead the students for the remaining 3 months. We return from Spain on June 3rd. 

That is all for now!
As always if you feel compelled to give financially to our ministry you can do so through the "Support" link at the top of this page! Click "Donate" and fill out the form accordingly!
 We are still hoping to raise roughly $350 towards my outreach to NYC.
You are a huge encouragement to us both and it's a joy to do life with you!  
All our love, Shaun & Jess 

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"hungryangrylonelytired." a word on contentment.

Every week I look forward to "Writing Day Friday". I think because it feels like an opportunity to make something beautiful, and after an especially strenuous week I find myself extra hungry for beauty. This week I am coming off of a Fashion Week outreach which, as always, is a glorious combination of total excitement and complete exhaustion. In Alcoholics Anonymous they have this thing called "H.A.L.T." which stands for "Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired." AA warns that if you find yourself feeling any of those things then you need to halt and use caution, because you will be more likely to be tempted towards bad decisions... which for the alcoholic is obviously drinking.

Shaun and I use "HALT" too. Whenever I am in the type of mood where my mind and emotions feel mushy like oatmeal and all I want to do is dissolve into the floor and stay there until next year, Shaun usually asks me if I'm feeling "Hungryangrylonelytired". Because for us it has become a one word thing. Sometimes we say it jokingly, sometimes for real, and this week has been a "Hungyangrylonelytired" week... for real.

I have this thing where every night I lay in bed and daydream about escaping. I don't know if that is right or wrong but I appreciate the comfort it brings me as I drift into sleep. I picture myself living in a home instead of a church. I picture shiny white walls and vases of lush pink flowers.  There are pretty paintings and a big chandelier and happy photos on the walls. I imagine a fun family and fun guests coming for dinner and I imagine that after dinner we all go for a walk. Some nights we walk to the beach, other nights we walk to an ice cream shop. I imagine having a tidy home in a beautiful location that smells good and feels good and looks good in photos.

Unfortunately waking up from sleep is slightly less comforting. When my eyes open I still live in a room at a church. My walls aren't white and my vases are empty most of the time because we travel too often for flowers to fully be enjoyed. The family in my home is made up of me and Shaun and anyone else who happens to be residing on the church floor at the time. Our meals are typically eaten on the go or at the Youth With a Mission campus and we don't go for walks after dinner because my skater husband would rather roll than walk, and because if I'm honest I'm usually lacking the motivation to face the traffic near our church. I think it's safe to walk where we live, but I prefer to do it when there aren't speeding LA drivers racing to get home from work. My room is rarely tidy and if we were birds then our room would be less like a nest and more like a branch that we stand on in the evenings to relieve us from the wing-flapping of everyday life.

Most days I really do like our home in the church and I really do like our life. I normally genuinely enjoy being the gypsy couple who travels often and has the gift of way too many friends. I also feel sincerely proud to have mastered the art of packing light because I remember how grueling that process used to be for me and it's not grueling anymore. But about once a month (hormones anyone?) I forget what I love about my life and all I can see are its apparent flaws. I want to see my wonderfully-hilarious-and-so-gorgeous husband but all I can smell are his yucky skate shoes. I want to see the adorable creativity in our almost entirely thrifted home decor, but all I can see is how cute my friend's houses are and how much I long for a space of our own. I want to see how cool is it that we have experienced so much of the world, but all I can feel is the chaos of not knowing whether I'll be spending next week in LA or somewhere else... or what country we will be in next year.

If you are rolling your eyes at me I understand. Why would I complain when I have so much to be grateful for? But it's always like that, isn't it? Other people are always longing for the things we take for granted.

The thing is that I know too much about God to wallow in my discontentment for too long. I know too much about His mountain moving power and about His "I-called-you-by-name" personal love and about the way He left Heaven to meet us in the depths of our brokenness to offer us a way out. Even though I am somebody who is quick to talk about God... which may also have something to do with the fact that I am somebody who is quick to talk in general... when I am going through my "hungryangrylonelytired" weeks I find myself doing less talking and more listening. My mouth glues shut, my ears perk up and my weary eyes look to Heaven pleading silently for some resolve.

"Remind me of Truth Lord. Remind me of Joy. Remind me You are near. Remind me that the God who saved me from the weight of my sin, can also save me from the weight of this week's burdens. Remind me what I love about this life. Remind me what I love about you. Remind of me everything beautiful around me. "

I don't speak the words, but my heart aches them, and I know He hears.

Faith that is detached from everyday life has never been interesting to me. Having a relationship with a powerless God who only cares about my church attendance and whether or not I stay married is not interesting either. I have already let myself down enough in this life and I would prefer not to acknowledge that I'm letting the Maker of the universe down too. But "hungryangrylonelytired" weeks remind me that the God I follow is better and nearer and more interesting and powerful than I even have the capacity to understand. The posture of my heart this week has been a bent over one. Like I'm a little child trying to carry something heavy and I'm falling down under the weight of it. But just as a mother rushes to the aid of her little one in pain, Jesus, the God called "Emmanuel" meaning "God with us", desires to be our ever present help in time of need. (Psalm 46:1)

All I really probably needed this week was a nap, or a day to rest and regroup, but it's comforting to realize that even before that happens, I serve a God who can handle my funk. He understands me. The Bible says He even knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows my dreams and my desires and though they may not all come true exactly as I imagine, I can be certain that His plans for me are good and my future with Him is full of hope.

My life is not my own. I was handcrafted by a Maker who calls me to contentment. He calls me to it regardless of my circumstances because He has made a way for it in Himself. Last night I asked my younger sister if she had advice for a "hypothetical person" struggling with "hypothetical discontentment" and without hesitation she gave me great advice broken down into 4 steps. Better even was that she spoke them compassionately, as a fellow struggler, which is my favorite type of advice-giver.

She said that her first step and last step are the same, be Grateful. She said it is most important to be thankful because usually being discontent is tangled up in being ungrateful, and God says in the Psalms that "we enter His gates with thanksgiving," which means gratitude is a sure way to enter the presence of God.

Next she said we need to assess why we are feeling discontent. Are we "Hungryangrylonelytired"? Are we being lazy? Are we heartbroken and need someone to talk to about it? Are we doing something that we know is disappointing the heart of God (aka sin) that we need to turn from (aka repent of)? Meredith said it helps to reflect on how we are feeling because processing it helps us to see the real need and be able to meet that need specifically.

Thirdly she said we need to do everything we can practically do to make the situation better. She suggested things like talking to a friend, stopping the cycle of envy we may have developed when we look at other peoples' lives, getting offline for a week... or longer, going for a jog, changing up our diet, getting plugged into a church, and disconnecting from the people or places that are making the discontentment worse.

Finally she ended where she started. "I think we need to be grateful again," she said matter-of-factly after going through steps 1-3. "Gratitude is the opposite of discontentment. Gratitude invites contentment."

What a smart little sister. So now I am taking my smart little sister's advice and turning this "Hungryangrylonelytired week" into a week of "Everything is okay." I still dream of living in a home one day, but for now our sweet little room at the church is perfect and cute and I love it. I still dream of lots of other things too, but today I choose to focus on making what I already have better and more beautiful. Envy won't get the best of me. Neither will stress. I'll probably still take a nap, and I'll probably use tomorrow to rest and recover, but I hope more than anything that I will choose contentment over escape. Being right here is good, even if right here is not exactly how I wanted it, because everything I need is here and His grace is sufficient for me.

May we have eyes to see the beauty that is all around us.

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:12

poison & the f word.

Last week I Face-timed with one of my very best friends who is living across the ocean in a culture that is very different from my own. In updating me about her life and marriage and the various challenges she is facing in adapting to this new place, she said something adorable. I thought it was extra cute because English is not her first language and so she was trying to explain something very common but with her limited English vocabulary it came out like this, "Jess, I feel like there is poison in my heart. It came in there because people have let me down. They keep making promises to do things and then not following through on them. I know I need to get rid of the poison, but it is so painful."

poi·son

ˈpoiz(ə)n/

noun

1.

a substance that is capable of causing the illness or death of a living organism when introduced or absorbed.

I never want to be someone who communicates ideas without living out what I say, which I happen to think is a very nice value and I respect others who share the sentiment, however I would have been just fine talking about the "poison" this week without having to experience it in my own life. But God doesn't work like that does He? He knows that real authority in anything comes not through talking about it, but in actually walking it out, and so this week the "poison" and I have been doing some walking together. Oh the joy.

The "poison" as my friend so sweetly put it, is the experience that happens when we have been hurt or offended. Whether the one who harmed us was intentionally malicious, or accidentally insensitive, it stings our hearts and we want to retaliate or hide.

That's what happened to me this week.

It wasn't just one venomous situation, but a series of almost unnoticeable ones working together like a slow drip IV leaking toxic ugliness into my system. The poison invited a mean skeptic to rise up in me. When they would say something nice to me I would question their sincerity. When they would say something insensitive I would take it personally and relive the moment in my mind over and over again, making up fake comebacks to put them in their place. Even their attempts to love me felt irritating and painful, like when your shoulders are sunburned and someone gives you a hug.

I've experienced the poison lots of times before this week too. Like when my exboyfriend made out with another girl during our relationship. Poison. Or when I overheard a family I loved talking badly about my little sister. Poison. Or when I found out a "best friend" was gossiping about me and spreading rumors. Poison. Or when I heard people making fun of my husband and accusing us of being dishonest. Poison.

There are worse ones too but you get the idea. The point is that when we get hurt by somebody the poison invades our hearts. Did you see that? It invades OUR hearts. Meaning the poison does not access the heart of the person who hurt us, but it most definitely gets inside our own.

It's the resentment that tempts us to stay silently offended, adding little tally marks to the secret sheet in our mind keeping record of everything they do wrong. Its the bitterness that causes us judge their motives and character, making us quick to assume the worst about them. It's the insecurity we feel, the hopelessness of "this always happens" and "people always treat me like this." Its the loneliness of being let down by someone we love and admire. Its the temptation to leave or hide, to give up on the relationship without an explanation of our pain. Its the desire to retaliate, to gossip, to slander, to yell at or seek revenge. That's the poison my friend across the ocean feels. That's the poison I have felt. But the trouble with poison is that it only destroys the one who has ingested it. Which means that as long as I am the one with the poison in my heart, I am the one who will be destroyed by it.

So how do we get rid of this horrible thing that is capable of causing death in us? The answer is....
the F word.

No.

The other F word.

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not saying that what they did to hurt you was okay. Because in many cases it was absolutely not okay. Rather, to forgive is to release them from something they owe you. Essentially it is saying that you are no longer going to take responsibility for the justice of the situation. Shaun and I talk about forgiveness as something you are giving over to a higher authority, trusting that the authority will take care of it and you no longer need to ensure they get the penalty of their messed up actions. As believers in Christ we recognize that God cares about everything we go through and is passionate about justice. Therefore we can trust that when we surrender a situation to Him in our hearts, and practice forgiveness towards those who have hurt us, He will be faithful to work everything out.

Forgiveness is the only way to free us from the poison.

That's probably not new information for you. It wasn't for me either. But it was a reminder I needed. You have heard the quote, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." You have also seen what happens to the person who holds a grudge against someone else: It consumes them. They talk about it. They think about it. They wonder what the other person is going to think about their latest instagram post or facebook status. They gossip. They slander. They secretly stalk the person's social media feeds and then try to live a cooler more photogenic life as a form of revenge. I have even seen it happen where the two people haven't spoken to each other in almost a decade but one of them is still convinced that the other is doing everything possible to destroy her life. Poison. Absolute poison.

But Jesus calls us to forgive. More than that, He commands us to forgive. I think He takes forgiveness so seriously because of the lavish, mind-boggling, absolutely crazy forgiveness He extended to humanity by dying for our sins. I also think it is because He is passionate about life. All throughout scripture, anywhere He went, life happened. Blind eyes opened. Dead bodies raised. Lonely people loved. Shamed women given dignity. Children valued. It's everywhere. He even said, "I have come to give you abundant life." It's no wonder then that he calls us to be people who forgive. If unforgiveness is like a poison that causes death, then forgiveness must bring life, because Jesus only commands us to do things that bring life.

Sometimes forgiveness requires us to go directly to the person who offended us and talk it through with them. Other times, when things like abuse are involved, it is safest to stay away from the offender but to extend forgiveness in our hearts through prayer and with the help of loved ones. Often for me, forgiveness involves lots of journaling so I can make sense of my scrambled thoughts and sort out whether or not the person actually did something harmful to me or if I was just being insecure and easily offended. In those cases I may still need to forgive them in my heart but it may not be necessary to talk with them about it because they didn't actually do anything wrong.

Let's do everything we can to be free from the poison. Let's love extravagantly, forgive quickly, and seek to understand each other. May people see Heaven in the way we do relationships. May we be people who assume the best and protect each other's reputations, and when we don't understand what they meant when they said that thing that hurt our feelings.... let's ask them instead of judging them for it.

Okay?

And how about another couple of F words??

Here's to fun & family! 

A couple great photos from the #batesweddingbash.

The bottom one is gold.

Marie's house. Some thoughts on living a meaningful life.

Marie's house in Switzerland is almost 500 years old. It is older than America. It is big and beautiful and built right next to the church that her Dad pastors. Actually it is on the same property. Outwardly it is a work of art, historical and ready to be photographed. Inside it hosts a wildly passionate family of at least 5, and usually 10, on any given day. Marie's family is extravagantly hospitable, making you feel at home the moment you walk in their perfect old door, so naturally they almost always have guests.

One day last week we were all in her backyard having lunch together and we talked about the builders of that house. They must have been incredible. Think of how hard they must have worked to build with such excellence so that we could still enjoy it today. Its extra hard for me to fathom as an American, visiting from the land of microwaves, iPhones and instant... everything. But it's obvious that nothing about this home's contstruction was instant. Its sturdy and secure. It stands strong in the hot summer sun, and the Swiss winter snow, and everything in between. The families who have lived life within its walls have continued to update its appearance. It is neither drab nor outdated. There's a nice kitchen with all of the current amenities, a big upstairs bathroom, and everything inside is adorned with simple and stylish decor- which I'm confident can be attributed to the very fashionable Bader/Kim women.  ((Oh, Ps. I've deemed the Bader girls "wonder-women" when it comes to being everything I want to be when I grow up. They are ultra-loving, magazine-worthy cool, and faithful beyond words. I hope one day to have daughters that turn out like Marie & her sisters. Just so you know.))

Spending time in Marie's house reminded me of something Jesus said.

"Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on a solid bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and does not obey it is foolish like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash." (Matthew 7:24-27)

Marie's house was built on a solid foundation. It has sustained generation after generation because of the quality that went into it from the very beginning of its contruction. After spending a few nights in this glorious place I realized that my life, our lives, are not meant to be so different from Marie's house. We have an opportunity everyday to build something that will bless future generations. Often we are short sighted in the way we make decisions though and so we miss the potential to leave a legacy beyond our years here on this earth. We prioritize temporary things like personal feelings of happiness and comfort, at the cost of building a meaningful life through uncomfortable things like hard work, discipline and sacrifice.

We forget that our decisions have consequences or like the Bible says, that "we reap what we sow". So we have become a generation that wastes our days twerking and drinking and flirting and taking selfies and making shallow goals like "I just want to be happy, or I just want to make more money, or I just want to travel"...  as if emptiness is something that goes away when we relocate or get a bigger salary. Sorry homie. You are still you and your garbage goes where you go. Even if you dress your empty self in a punjabi and drink your weight in Indian Chai tea somewhere in the glorious Himalayas, you'll still be empty... your stomach might be full (or sick) but your heart will still be empty.

Living for yourself promises emptiness.

But Marie's house reminded me how awesome it is to the lives of meaning, and vibrance and color that we were born for. By choosing daily to do things like trust God and honor each other and live with integrity, we are building something. In staying faithful to our spouses, or walking in purity until we are married, or being honest in how we speak and how we deal with our money, we are constructing a foundation that will serve those around us. Whether it is our own children who benefit from the God-fearing choices we make, or our friends and coworkers, or it could be simply strangers who stumble upon our life-giving posts on Facebook, when we look outside of ourselves and prioritize the God story, over the "ME story", something beautiful is being built.

Like with Marie's house, those strong men who built it almost 500 years ago were excellent and faithful, and because of those qualities we are able to enjoy the fruit of their labor today. I hope that years after I'm gone other people will enjoy the fruit of my life too. I probably won't leave behind a house I built... because i'm not so handy... but I pray that I leave behind a foundation of faith, that other people can look to and build upon.

I hope my life, my love, my faith, and my courage will inspire greater life and love and faith and courage in others.

True happiness is found in trusting Jesus and loving others.
It's available to all of us, no exception.

"...the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10

Beauty Arise. Halloween edition.

We weren't sure what to dress up as for Halloween- we just knew that we wanted to be in Hollywood for the night and somehow share Christ's love with the thousands of people partying there.

As a girl who is constantly looking for opportunities to dress up in something pink and sparkly I suggested that we go as fairies... Because honestly who wouldn't want to dress up as a fairy?

My friends agreed to it.

But I didn't just want to be a typical fairy... I decided to be an "Encouragement Fairy"... Which meant all the pink and sparkles I wanted, PLUS a big pink sign with a handwritten encouragement for people to see as they passed by.

So we did it. We bought wings and poster board from the dollar store, glow sticks too, and grabbed whatever we could find in our closets to create the perfect fairy costumes.

Now something you should know about Hollywood is that it is nearly impossible to stand out there. People are ALWAYS wearing crazy costumes and doing outrageous things on the sidewalks in order to get attention.

Now add Halloween to that fact and the chances of us standing out become even less probable. Between the scantily clad women walking the street in their panties, and the multitudes of people dressed in blood and gore... We were hardly flashy enough to be a part of that celebration.

But guess what???

WE STOOD OUT!

People wanted to talk to us- take pictures with us- people yelled encouragements at us- some people made fun of us- one lady cried when she saw us- another guy made a song about us- a group of girls threatened to hurt anyone who came near us- people hit on us- people wanted prayer from us- and mostly everyone smiled when they saw us! Several times people told us that we were their favorite costume of the night.

How crazy is that?

We were modestly dressed in costumes that were basically free and hardly pinterest-worthy. And yet we were a huge hit. On Hollywood Boulevard.

Why?
I think it's because "love never fails". (1 Corinthians 13)

Love speaks more loudly than scandalous clothing and elaborate costumes.

People were drawn to us because of our love. The words we shared with them both communicated love and were motivated by love. That's why they enjoyed us.

Because the reality is I was just a strangely happy girl who was prancing around the street dressed like the tooth fairy. There was no reason for people to want to be near me. Majority of them came to Hollywood that night to drink too much and meet other mostly-naked drunk people. I was not what they were looking for.

But still, like I said... I stood out.

Not because of me. But because of the message I shared.

Our signs said a variety of things like:
"you are beautiful"
"you are loved"
"you are God's masterpiece"
"you are treasured"

These messages brought people to us... and brought smiles out of people... Even a group of gangsters who were standing on the corner WITH GUNS (yes, there was a shooting that night in Hollywood)... they appeared hard at first but my sweet fairy friends approached them (CLEARLY not seeing the guns!) and offered them free glow-sticks. Immediately the gangsters smiled like children and read our signs excitedly.

Our messages brought life.

Jesus said in John 10:10,

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I love that. I felt it Halloween night. Satan ("the thief") had plans to steal, kill and destroy people on Halloween night. Through violence, drug abuse, drunkenness... and other things. But Jesus had plans too. Plans to bring life... and remind people of who they really are.

I'm thankful that he picked a handful of "fairies" to be a part of His plan.

Meeting with God in America: From unbeliever to believer. Guest post by Marieke Dral.

This is my story.

Hi everyone, a few days ago Jess asked me to write a story for her beautiful blog. And here I am, feeling so honoured to share my story with all of you beautiful people! You’re about to read how I met Jesus, how God has prepared me for meeting Him and completing my life. This is  my journey of life that lead me to our Father.

I’m a 22 year old girl from Holland, born and raised in Amsterdam. As I was a little girl I used to tell my parents: ‘When I’m older, I will go to America. On my own. Because I wanna live there.’ Not that I had any reason for saying that –I didn’t know anything about America and have never been there. It was just a dream. And I was crazy for it.
At the age of 18 I went to University in Amsterdam to study Dutch Law. When I turned 21 I was almost done but didn’t knew what I would do next. I knew this was my chance and I decided to go to America for a few months to study. I liked studying Law, but it was all Dutch and I missed an international vibe: different languages. So I decided to go to an International Language Centre in Redondo Beach, South Bay Area. Starting September 2011.
And that decision was about to change my life forever. What happened those months in America was why I had to go there. It was about to make my life complete. Finally.

Before these months I have always been an ‘ unbeliever’ .  I was raised with the idea that there is no such thing as a God. How can some people think there is this man who has created the world and is in control of everything? It was unreal and foolish to believe in something that doesn’t exist. I have been told the world is in our own hands, it is what YOU make of your own life, things are not ‘meant to be’, you’re in control of your own destiny.
Though I always had my doubts.. but I never asked too much about it. I believed it was necessary to work as hard as you can and felt very responsible for living a ‘good’ life. There were only two people in my family who were going to a church sometimes – my grandma (from my father’s side) and my aunt ( my mothers’ sister). My grandma died when I was young, and I missed her a lot. She always gave me so much comfort. Looking back I see How important they have been in my journey to God.

Before I was going to LA, I struggled with lots of things. I grew up in a hard working family, both of my parents were working 6 days a week, together they are running a bicycle company. I had a very low self esteem and was struggling with lots of hurt feelings. I felt bad about myself and had a hard time trusting other people. After a while I ended up having an eating disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. I didn’t wanted to do anything – I was always worrying about every little thing and felt pressure and stress in almost every situation. My family was worrying about me and telling me I should stop thinking like that, and just act ‘normal’ . As much as I wanted, I couldn’t free myself from those guilty and low feelings. Through it all there was also one thing going through my head: I need to go back to America. We have been there once on a roadtrip in summer 2007. That was amazing, I loved the States and the whole trip felt like coming home to me.  After a while I felt so much NEED for the atmosphere, the culture, the people, the freedom, the country. I felt stuck at home in Amsterdam.

One of the people I trusted the most was my aunt, I spent a lot of time around her and she was always there for me to listen –  she felt more like a mother to me than my real mom. I could share everything with her. She never got angry with me and understood me. She used to comfort me, tell me I should not worry so much and take good care of myself. Everything would be okay, if I just could lose these restless feelings. She could see it  was tearing me apart.
Unfortunately my aunt got very sick. She got cancer and in a short while she was incurable. She was already counting her last months while we were doing everything to fight for her life: take care of her, looked for every possible way there was to give her a chance of surviving. We took her to doctors through the whole country, even went to some medical professors in Germany. But no one could help. My aunt said she knew her time had come, and we should not put so much effort in desperately looking for a cure, but accept her situation. Although we didn’t gave up, she was getting weaker and in more pain each day. During her illness she was praying a lot (also for me) and wrote a lot of beautiful verses. She used to write beautiful cards to me with all flowers, to cheer me up when I was down.
When I told her I had planned to go back to America –as first one-, she was so happy to hear that ‘ I knew you would, that is a very good decision, I’m so happy for you!’ she cheered.
Unfortunately in end of February 2011, she couldn’t fight the cancer anymore and was in so much pain that she decided to take her life – by the process of Euthanasia. We all got a chance to say goodbye to her. It was the hardest thing we ever had to do. But we had no other choice to respect her decision. For the last time we spent an afternoon together  we were listening to music and I was giving her a nice manicure. We didn’t say much but suddenly she started telling me: ‘ It’s so good you go to America, you will have a wonderful time there. Don’t’ worry about anything, and please take good care of yourself.’ as she spoke those words – she was so convinced.

And now, almost a year later, I can tell she was right: There has happened something WONDERFUL in America. Because He was waiting there for me to meet Him. Finally. AND SHE KNEW. He made me making the decisions that lead to Him. I knew He planned everything: the moment, the day and the way we should meet. I knew this because the decisions I made for being there THAT day, were different for me. I was not worrying about what I was doing, I felt it was right to do.

In October I was working as a volunteer at the LA Fashion Week. There I met the girls from YWAM. As I was just busy filling up goodie bags, something inside told me I should go and talk to some girls at the other side of the room – I didn’t knew why, but I felt I needed to talk to them. So I went over and started a conversation with the beautiful Samantha Hunt. This sweet girl told me about YWAM and their missions. Soon she introduced me to the wonderful Jessica, who’s working for YWAM and the amazing Nova, a singer/songwriter and missionary from Norway.
It was so nice to meet them! I was really impressed by their story about Youth With A Mission. They were going to church every Sunday. I had never been to a church but felt like I wanted to experience that. After a few days of working together, talking about our lives and sharing our stories, they invited me to join them the next Sunday to Generations a sermony in Huntington Beach. 
And that was the day that changed my life forever. In a few hours I was going to meet God, Our heavenly Father. As I said before, I was raised as an unbeliever, but I always felt there was something more. I felt that there was something missing in my life – but I couldn’t really point out what it was. Now I knew, it was Gods Love. He guided me to meet the YWAM girls, and to join them to Huntington. He made me going to America, He made me deciding to make that long journey and ending up this particular Sunday afternoon in that particular church in Huntington Beach.

I had no expectations from that day, I was just joining them to church, just to see how it’s like in America. But what happened there is almost too impressive to describe. I met Him. He spoke to me. Through others and I could feel Him inside of me. It was like hearing a voice while nobody was speaking. Telling me words that were so true. I was so shocked. At the beginning of that day I was still very sceptic – ‘how can there be anyone who knows what is going on inside of you, while you’ve never been open about it?’ Well, later that day I founded out that is God, our Father, our Creator.
I didn’t told any of the YWAM girls about my struggles, my insecurities or my worries. After an interesting sermony, Nova came to me with a message, she wrote down for me the next words:  Colorful Marieke, here is a word from your Father in Heaven: ‘I see your colors, and the things I have put in you. You have greater potential then you even know yourself. But it is a lie when you think that people think you are boring. They do not think so. And I think you are fun. I laugh about you daily.’
Then Kayla, another very lovely girl from YWAM, felt like she needed to let me know God was so proud of me and there was nothing I had ever done WRONG in my life. She had something to give me, her bible. Somehow she got an extra one, and she felt God wanted her to give it to someone special, and that day had come. She knew it was for me. Then more girls from YWAM came to me, laid hands on me and prayed all together – to thank God for creating such a Beautiful woman and for guiding me towards them. Wow, I was so impressed. People I had never met until that day, could tell me what I NEEDED to hear , they answered my struggles and insecure feelings. The only one who had ever said that to me before was my aunt – just before she died. My eyes teared up and I felt this warmth inside of me - I could feel Him filling me up with His Love. There I was, finally meeting Him, surrounded by His Angels. 

As from that day my feelings changed completely. No longer I felt worried, I felt so much peace inside my heart! I felt relaxed, joyful and had no restless feelings about anything.
From that Sunday I joined the YWAM Family to Huntington as much as possible. There was so much more I wanted to learn about God and the Bible. I couldn’t wait to start building on a relationship with Him, communicating with Him. I wanted to see what He wants to show me, Do what he wants me to do, follow his guidance as I know He wants what’s best for me. I wanted to learn How to trust on Him. I knew He would free me from my worries. He could make my life complete.

God proving His trust
And every week I learned more. About God, the Bible,  about Giving, about Relationships, about Trusting Him and Other people. About making decisions for the future. Every verse I read in the bible, it is so beautiful! And I felt more and more joyful and relaxed.
 And the most beautiful thing I have learned: How to Pray. How God listen to us and hears us. It was the prove He was really there. And the best way of communicating with Him. As Nova and Jessica learned me: ‘Praying is the way to let Him know what you want or need, or what you want Him to do for others, and of course to thank Him for everything He has done for you. Have faith in your prayers, trust on Him and He will hear you.’ So I started praying. In my prayers I was so thankful for everything that has happened to me. So thankful for meeting the girls from YWAM, so thankful for being able to join them to Huntington Beach, so thankful for everything I learn from them. And as soon as I started He was answering my questions and hearing my prayers. It was Amazing. At first I found it hard to believe, I was still a bit sceptical and had lots of questions. So I prayed He would show me I could trust on Him. And He did. And on the most unexpecting moments, He was there. When I was thinking about something I would like to do, or wanted to have – a few seconds later people came to me offering exactly what I was thinking of, and someone else invited me to go a place I really wanted to see (without even ASKING them or letting them know I was thinking about it!). Slowly I knew it was Him knowing my desires and needs , hearing my thoughts and proving me I could trust on Him.

Together with all the stories and explanations from everyone from YWAM, I learned SO much. It felt like something was completing in my life. I enjoyed every moment I spent with YWAM SO much.  And they even told me: ‘You are shining more and more. You look so happy.’ And that was the truth. I was feeling so happy with everything. And with myself! Nothing could help me more than hearing God was proud of me and feeling His Love.
One year earlier, before I booked my trip, I was thinking I would love to spend thanksgiving in America and  now I realized it was going to happen! (A dream came true, wow, thank God!)
 Unfortunately it was one of my last weeks in America. But there was no better place I could think of to celebrate – with the YWAM family at the YWAM base. Those people I was SO thankful for, I could not find any words for it. I knew it was meant to be to spent that day with them. It was what He had planned. So my friend and me came over to the beautiful base and we had a delicious traditional Thanksgiving diner. My first Thanksgiving ever, and it was exactly how I wished to experience it – with lots of warm people and a de-li-ci-ous meal! I was so happy. It was a beautiful and powerful day . 

Soon after Thanksgiving the last Sunday I could join the YWAM family was coming. It was very sad, but one of the most beautiful days I spent there. We watched a great sunset on Huntington Beach and ate the most delicious Crispy Noodles EVER in the Thai Café. It was hard saying goodbye, I felt like I became part of their family. When it was time to say goodbye they prayed for me; to fill me up with more peace and joy each day and help me to shine my light towards others, and helping out my friends in need.
I was so blessed by meeting them. I can’t be thankful enough for it.
 As we said goodbye it was almost like joy – oh Jess, Shaun, Nova, Samantha, Meredith, and everybody from YWAM, I’m so happy to have met you, you’ve learned me so much! My heart fills up with Love and Joy when I think of the days we spent! And of course I know we will meet someday, God will bring us together just like he did before .

I knew when I would be back home it would be different, but I would continue growing in a relationship towards Him.  This was just what happened. And that is just what happened. I prayed a lot for people I wanted to help out, I wanted to be a light towards others. Soon after I came home I was able to help one of my friends, she was very depressed. Together we spent NYE in London: another dream that came true! I always wanted to do it someday, I didn’t told my friends but suddenly two weeks before we found a very cheap offer to go to London those days! We had a very special time. I encouraged my friend to make a new start. Soon she found a new home (what she desperately needed) on a beautiful place, graduated, and now has found her happiness back again.( She is celebrating it also with a trip to America as we speak .)

But I knew there was also something else I felt I needed to do. It was also about time to fulfill the promise I made to my aunt – as much as I wanted to be a light and inspiration towards others, I needed to take care of myself. When I came home something really miraculous happened. I found a note from my aunt, written just before she died. It said: I have searched for Him in dark and light. When I was bruised and broken I prayed. With my last strength I lightened a candle for Him. I will always keep searching for Him, cause  even at the most unexpecting moments you will see Him in all of his Glory.
That was it, it said exactly how I should start: By trusting on Him. Those words were really important for me. It gave me hope and faith for the future. I prayed to God to give me the strength and the state of mind to heal me from my eating disorder. And slowly I am changing and getting more aware of my body. I felt it was time to take the step and get professional help, cause my ‘sick’ mind was not taking good care of my body It was very hard for me, but God made me feel it was the right thing to do. He was encouraging me in SO MANY ways. It is unbelievable, even at my most weak moments I feel Him supporting me, and telling me He is so proud of me.
When I reached a very very low point, and prayed –  I wanted and needed food so much but was so scared. When I came home the end of that day, there was a package waiting for me. All the way from USA, my favorite chocolates from Trader Joes! It was from Nova, my amazing friend! She also felt like sharing with me great lessons about Body, Soul and Spirit, and How we are wonderfully and fearfully made. What a miracle. It was EXACTLY what I needed.
Now, I am still struggling, sometimes I still feel insecure, upset, desperate and stressed out. But then I sit down and pray, and He will let me know He is always there: by a message, song or anything that comes my way. He is supporting me and encouraging me to make this through. He is telling me not to worry and to give Him control. By all those miracles he is proving me that everything will be okay if I do. He will give me Hope and Strength to be able to make this through.
I am so proud to say:  He is healing me from my eating disorder. Our Father is saving me from a worried mind and letting me be who I really are: funny, optimistic, smart and a light to everyone around me. I feel like walking on Sunshine.
Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. ⁹Matthew 21:22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith

The night we said goodbye, before Marieke returned home to Europe

Thanksgiving at YWAM LA. Nova is on the far right. 

Haha just want to show you the snowman cookie I made that night :)