Do you and Shaun fight?

“Do you and Shaun fight?”

People ask me all the time if Shaun and I fight and honestly I struggle to answer because the question itself is a vulnerable one and I feel pressure not to say the wrong thing. I can’t help but try to guess why they are asking. Maybe they are in a relationship of their own that involves a lot of fighting and they are trying to determine whether or not fighting is okay. Maybe their parents fought a lot growing up and so now they would rather stifle their relationship issues than end up yelling about them. Maybe they strongly value fighting as an important part of relating and if I say that I don’t fight then I am revealing an apparent flaw in my marriage. I also wonder if they use the word “fight” to mean “disagree” or “argue”, because to me those terms are very different, but to others they can often be one in the same. When I imagine fighting I picture yelling, screaming, name-calling, storming out of rooms, the “silent treatment”, ignoring each other, and saying hurtful or malicious things. So to answer the question of whether Shaun and I fight. No. We don’t. We haven’t “fought” yet in our almost 7 years of dating, engagement, and marriage. We have disagreed plenty of times, and we have hurt each other’s feelings plenty more, but we have not fought. 

Shaun and I are naturally pretty laid back people, so exploding isn’t really our style anyway, but the main reason why we don’t fight is because we decided long ago that we wanted a healthy loving marriage and so fighting just doesn't fit our vision.  This understanding has motivated us to be intentional about the way we go about our communicating, and it has helped us to navigate our way through times of conflict. 

There are a few practical things that have helped Shaun and I maintain a healthy, loving, explosion-free marriage and I thought it could be fun to share them with you. I am not writing as a professional wife or a professional counselor. I just share this stuff the same way somebody shares a yummy recipe, knowing that in a couple years the recipe will be modified a little upon discovering newer better ways, but for now what we have here is something great and it is my delight to pass it on just as it is. I am speaking in the context of marriage but feel free to pull this stuff apart and apply it to your friendships, dating relationships, and even the way you relate to family members or coworkers. 

Always Assume Love.

A few days before we got married in 2009, Shaun’s older brother Jason gave us the advice to, “Always assume love,” and that little piece of wisdom has proven to be incredibly valuable to us. Assuming love is significant because it goes against our natural tendency. When our spouse says or does something hurtful, our initial reaction is to assume the worst, we immediately conclude they meant to hurt us or that the reason behind their action was something negative like selfishness or laziness or a lack of love for us. But when we are committed to “assuming love” then instead of jumping to conclusions we are able to respond to our spouse’s action with grace and calmly communicate what hurt us. Assuming love gives our spouse the space to explain themselves and even to make mistakes, as opposed to assuming the worst which puts them on the defensive and causes the situation to escalate quickly. This principle allows for conflicts to be resolved promptly and it also diffuses potential fights before they happen. I try to live by this principle in all of my relationships, not just marriage, because I am convinced it makes everything way better.

Let God be God.

This part might be the most important advice I can give you, but I’m putting it on here second because I learned it second. Obviously if you know me at all then you know I’m a believer in God and more specifically a follower of Christ. I strongly believe that God is the One in whom we are to place our trust. 

Well before getting married I knew that it was my responsibility to trust God with meeting my needs, but something tricky happened after Shaun and I tied the knot, it became extra tempting to look to Shaun, instead of God, to be my source of fulfillment. When I felt insecure I wanted Shaun to make me feel beautiful, when I felt unhappy, I wanted Shaun to make me feel better, when I was scared or upset or struggling with anything, my initial response was to look to Shaun to provide relief. This is a problem because Shaun, like me, is just a person. He has issues like I do, and even on his best day, he can’t be everything I need. As much as Shaun’s encouragement and support is vital in our marriage, if I revolve my feelings around his words or actions then our relationship quickly becomes imbalanced and unhealthy. The other problem with me acting like this is that I start to assume that Shaun should just know what I need or what I feel, and since he doesn’t (because he isn’t a telepathic mind-reader) then I end up offended most of the time because he keeps failing to meet my expectations. That’s no good. 

God knows what I need. God knows my thoughts. God desires to be my source and His design is that both Shaun and I look to Him to satisfy the longings of our hearts. As His love permeates our individual lives, then we will both find strength to love each other in the best way possible. When we aren’t relying on each other for peace or security then we can enjoy each other and really support each other when one of us is struggling. If my peace and joy come from Christ then when Shaun is stressed I can encourage him, pray with him and even help him to get organized, because I am not relying on him to make me feel good. But if I am looking to Shaun for my joy then when he is stressed I end up stressed too, simply because I am reacting to his attitude. 

Letting God be God means that we live in response to who God is and we love in response to how God loves. “We love each other because he loved us first.” (1 John 4:19)

Take Care of Yourself.

I won’t take long on this point because it’s obvious and because this is a blog post, not a novel. So my point here is simply that we love better when we are healthy - physically, spiritually and emotionally. This means that we do our spouses a huge favor when we take care of ourselves and communicate our needs. Sometimes Shaun needs to skate because he has spent all day working on a computer or sitting in meetings and by the time we are having dinner he feels like he might go crazy. Sometimes I need to read and write because I feel emotional and need time to process what I feel. Sometimes we need a nap, or an extended break from hanging out with lots of people. Sometimes we need to read the Bible and get real perspective on our current circumstance. Sometimes we need a date or time to have sex, other times we desperately need to be around family. Whatever the needs are it is important to recognize them, talk about them, and help each other get them met. 

Friendship. Romance. Sex. 

These three elements are extremely important in marriage and if one of them is lacking it is highly likely that one or both of you will feel it. If there is a romance deficit in the marriage then it is usually the wife who feels it first, if there is a lack of relating sexually it is typically the husband who will notice, however it’s not always like that and really my point is not who feels it first but the fact that all three are needed to sustain a healthy loving marriage. 

Communicate Clearly.

I’ll close with this one because I really hope you don’t forget it. Remember earlier when I said that Shaun is NOT a telepathic mind-reader? Well it will serve us all very well to realize that none of us are able to read each other’s minds. Did you get that? You do NOT know what the people around you are thinking and they do NOT know what you are thinking either. You may be able to guess some of what they feel, you may even be able to discern a bit of what they are thinking, but mostly you do not know anything unless they have communicated it. Assuming that someone else knows what you think is a dangerous and unfair expectation. It is also an immature way of relating. Mature relationships require that both people involved openly talk about what they feel, need, and desire. If one of you has been hurt then it is not okay to assume the other person should know what they did wrong, because again, that reflects a lack of maturity. The hurt person is responsible to share specifically about what happened and allow space for the other person to explain themselves. Communicating clearly does not mean communicating loudly, yelling is not necessary in telling someone how you feel, even if you feel angry or hurt. Passive aggression is also not the same as clear communication. For instance if you continue to make plans to hang out with someone and they continue to cancel last minute, it is not clear communication to post a vague Facebook status about how much you hate being stood up. That is passive aggressive and it is not helpful in resolving your issue. Clear communication would look like calling your friend and letting them know directly that it feels hurtful or disrespectful when they cancel plans with you. 
I should also note that texting is not the best method to use when attempting to resolve conflicts. In fact I think its a really poor way to go about it. The same could be said about emails and facebook messages, any form of communication that keeps you from looking into each other’s eyes or hearing the sound of someone’s voice will be largely incomplete and leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding.

Clear communication in my marriage looks something like this- if I am feeling neglected because Shaun is out with skaters all weekend rather than hanging out with me, then instead of ignoring him or being irritable with him when he comes home, I can help us both by letting him know how I am feeling. Also if I “assume love” then I can assume he doesn’t know he is hurting me and then I can speak more gently to him when I am expressing why I feel badly. If I am really on top of my feelings I can actually tell him before the weekend that I desire to spend time with him. At that point he can tell me directly that he desires to do some skating. By sharing our desires we can make weekend plans that meet both of our needs and by Sunday night we can be snuggling each other and celebrating what an awesome weekend we just had. Sounds good right? I know. I think so too. 

Well that about wraps up “Relationship Advice 101 with Jess Hover.” I hope you are having a great week and if you have any further relationship questions feel free to holler at me by leaving a comment or emailing me at beautyarise@ywamla.org. Also for those of you on Instagram I hope to see photos of how you are choosing to #makedecemberbeautiful with @beautyarise! It’s only Day 2 and we are already having so much fun! Don’t miss out! 

some ramblings about a marching band and unity.

This morning I woke Shaun up by shaking him and excitedly squealing, "Wake up, wake up! It's almost a month until Christmas!" He laughed and called me a crazy lady and there is really no reason for me to tell you this other than just my sheer excitement about my favorite time of year. Don't worry for all of you Thanksgiving folks out there who think I'm moving too fast, I love Thanksgiving too and plan to thoroughly enjoy it, but for me Thanksgiving is just another thing to love about Christmas time. Ho Ho Ho. (Insert Santa emoji.)

Meredith and I are going to be spending Thanksgiving in Korea with our Dad this year. Crazy right? Thanksgiving in Korea! We only just found out about it earlier this month and couldn't be happier about our very own sisterly adventure to visit our good old Dad at his house. (PS. Dad, I know you read this blog and I don't really think you are old. Just good. :) ) Anyway my Dad has lived in Korea for years but I haven't gotten the opportunity to visit him yet, until now. I think there is something extra special about understanding what someone's life looks like close up. Especially someone you love with your whole heart. Shaun and David are going to be holding things down here in L.A. while we are gone. Shaun pretends he is sad about me leaving, and I know he really is, but I also know that he and his new brother-in-law (aka. one of his favorite friends ever) are going to have an awesome time eating way too much food and skating day and night with our jolly Calling All Skaters family. I threw "jolly" in there in an effort to start making things sound a little more merry because like I said before, Christmas is almost a month away already and there's no time to spare. 

On my way to the coffee shop today I walked by a high school marching band practicing outside their school. It was wild and squeaky and I literally burst out laughing when I heard the sound because it was so... eclectic. The sound wasn't pretty, not even a little, and I tried to imagine what they were doing. Maybe they were warming up? Or maybe they were instructed to make an ugly sound as loudly as possibly and they just happened to be following directions when I walked by? Maybe they were deaf? Am I even allowed to wonder that? ... So after I scolded myself for the whole deaf thing, I tried to listen more closely to see if I could figure out what was happening.

They were each playing a different sound. Some were playing songs, others just repetitive notes, and if I could focus in on one player at a time then it was actually really nice noise, though it was hard to separate the good sound from the chaos of every other sound. They were all playing their own song which made for one really bad symphony. but I could see that these band students were actually talented, which almost surprised me because of how awful they sounded at first. They obviously  knew how to play and the sounds they were making as individuals were really pleasant, but despite their personal gifts and abilities, their overall sound was a bad one. I'll even say more honestly that their sound was a repulsive and obnoxious one, one that made a normally kind-hearted person like me laugh out loud and rush away quickly before my poor ears started bleeding.

However when I got a little distance from the school and could hear myself think again, I realized something really valuable and it made me want to run back and hug each of those squeaky little band students. (I didn't, just in case you got nervous for them.) "Life! It is just like that marching band!" That's what I exclaimed excitedly in my heart. We are all talented and gifted and we all have the potential to make beautiful noise! But without relationships and unity and learning to collaborate with one another, we just end up being a crowd of sounds, an ugly herd of individuals attempting to play something lovely while those around us are feeling repulsed by the lack of solidarity in our efforts. We need each other! That's what the marching band reminded me. We function best with each other! When we remain disjointed individuals seeking our own gain and pursuing our own end, we miss out on the gift of relationship and ultimately other people miss out on the gifts we can give through our dynamic unity.

Not only do we need each other but we need a song! That was the other part of what I realized. We need a song to play, a rhythm to align our lives to, and oh how exciting it is to realize that we have been given one! We've been given clarity from heaven about what each of us is here to do! We have been given the song and it's the gospel itself! Our job here as believers is to magnify our God. We are to be little Christs on the earth, examples to the watching world of what it looks like to follow Jesus. We are to be healers and lovers and peace-makers, we are to be givers and encourages and hope-bringers. We are to live the Kingdom of God right here on the earth. That is our song and every single one of us has a role to play, we are not to do it alone, but together! Like how those band members played different instruments, we have different gifts, but the design is that we would use our gifts to make the song better!

Excuse the multitudes of exclamation points in this post but there has been some genuine excitement as I have realized again the importance of unity. Disunity is repulsive, like the sound coming from the out of sync marching band, but unity is attractive and wonderful, like the sound of the N'Sync Christmas album. Right? Anybody?

Anyway I'll finish with this. In 1 Corinthians chapter 12 God likens believers to a human body and states that each of has an important part to play. Scripture shows that God even knows we will be tempted to want to play someone else's role but He reminds us that our role is our own and it is desperately needed. He reminds us that no role is to be separate and disconnected from the rest, but they are to function together, working in one accord to accomplish the same goal.

God is so smart and His design is a good one.
We work together. We honor each other. We embrace our place. We make unity a priority.
And we buy the N'Sync Christmas album. Just because it's awesome.

And now for the trusty Bible...
"The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ... Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. 15 If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? 18 But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. 19 How strange a body would be if it had only one part! 20 Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. 21 The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” 22 In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. 23 And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, 24 while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. 25 This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. 26 If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad." 27 All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it." 

1 Corinthian 12:14-27

And some photos from our recent trip to NYC & Connecticut! 

some free relationship advice.

Last week was fashion week LA so my days were full and my "Writing Day Friday" was postponed. However in light of some recent conversations I have been having with some wonderful friends I want to share some free relationship advice. My advice is short and less than profound, but it's important and so I think it is worth sharing.

Be the type of person you want to date. 

Seems obvious right? If we want a person who is faithful then we ought to stop being the type of lady who flirts with everything that breathes, because a faithful man is looking for a faithful lady too. If we want a person who prioritizes family and has good morals then it's very likely he isn't the drunk guy hanging out at the club, which means we can go ahead and stop being the tipsy girl at the club, because "family & good morals guy" is looking for "family & good morals girl" and he knows she isn't the girl twerking in the club.

I am not encouraging us to base our lifestyles around looking for a significant other. Not even a little. But I am saying that singleness gives us an opportunity to become the very best versions of ourselves. We can take the time to develop our gifts, look for opportunities to serve others and pursue God like crazy. We can take risks that require great faith and we can jog and write letters and go to school. We can tell great stories and make gorgeous dinners for no reason and invite too many friends over for a girly movie and Thai food. We can do all kinds of wonderfully satisfying things that don't involve a special someone at all as we are being intentional about becoming the type of person we would want to date.

Anyway I'll finish with this... the idea of being the type of person you want to date doesn't stop at marriage. As a wife for over five years now, I am still trying to be the type of spouse that I would want to have. I want to have a husband who listens to me, prays for me, helps me fulfill the vision God has given me, reminds me of truth when my mind is bombarded with chaos, helps me with mundane life stuff, makes me laugh, and affirms me regularly... so instead of sitting around waiting for Shaun to do this to me... I do it for him first... because I still want to be the type of person I would want to date.

So that's my free advice on this Thursday. I hope it blesses you.

"Writing Day Friday" will commence tomorrow. I can't wait!

poison & the f word.

Last week I Face-timed with one of my very best friends who is living across the ocean in a culture that is very different from my own. In updating me about her life and marriage and the various challenges she is facing in adapting to this new place, she said something adorable. I thought it was extra cute because English is not her first language and so she was trying to explain something very common but with her limited English vocabulary it came out like this, "Jess, I feel like there is poison in my heart. It came in there because people have let me down. They keep making promises to do things and then not following through on them. I know I need to get rid of the poison, but it is so painful."

poi·son

ˈpoiz(ə)n/

noun

1.

a substance that is capable of causing the illness or death of a living organism when introduced or absorbed.

I never want to be someone who communicates ideas without living out what I say, which I happen to think is a very nice value and I respect others who share the sentiment, however I would have been just fine talking about the "poison" this week without having to experience it in my own life. But God doesn't work like that does He? He knows that real authority in anything comes not through talking about it, but in actually walking it out, and so this week the "poison" and I have been doing some walking together. Oh the joy.

The "poison" as my friend so sweetly put it, is the experience that happens when we have been hurt or offended. Whether the one who harmed us was intentionally malicious, or accidentally insensitive, it stings our hearts and we want to retaliate or hide.

That's what happened to me this week.

It wasn't just one venomous situation, but a series of almost unnoticeable ones working together like a slow drip IV leaking toxic ugliness into my system. The poison invited a mean skeptic to rise up in me. When they would say something nice to me I would question their sincerity. When they would say something insensitive I would take it personally and relive the moment in my mind over and over again, making up fake comebacks to put them in their place. Even their attempts to love me felt irritating and painful, like when your shoulders are sunburned and someone gives you a hug.

I've experienced the poison lots of times before this week too. Like when my exboyfriend made out with another girl during our relationship. Poison. Or when I overheard a family I loved talking badly about my little sister. Poison. Or when I found out a "best friend" was gossiping about me and spreading rumors. Poison. Or when I heard people making fun of my husband and accusing us of being dishonest. Poison.

There are worse ones too but you get the idea. The point is that when we get hurt by somebody the poison invades our hearts. Did you see that? It invades OUR hearts. Meaning the poison does not access the heart of the person who hurt us, but it most definitely gets inside our own.

It's the resentment that tempts us to stay silently offended, adding little tally marks to the secret sheet in our mind keeping record of everything they do wrong. Its the bitterness that causes us judge their motives and character, making us quick to assume the worst about them. It's the insecurity we feel, the hopelessness of "this always happens" and "people always treat me like this." Its the loneliness of being let down by someone we love and admire. Its the temptation to leave or hide, to give up on the relationship without an explanation of our pain. Its the desire to retaliate, to gossip, to slander, to yell at or seek revenge. That's the poison my friend across the ocean feels. That's the poison I have felt. But the trouble with poison is that it only destroys the one who has ingested it. Which means that as long as I am the one with the poison in my heart, I am the one who will be destroyed by it.

So how do we get rid of this horrible thing that is capable of causing death in us? The answer is....
the F word.

No.

The other F word.

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not saying that what they did to hurt you was okay. Because in many cases it was absolutely not okay. Rather, to forgive is to release them from something they owe you. Essentially it is saying that you are no longer going to take responsibility for the justice of the situation. Shaun and I talk about forgiveness as something you are giving over to a higher authority, trusting that the authority will take care of it and you no longer need to ensure they get the penalty of their messed up actions. As believers in Christ we recognize that God cares about everything we go through and is passionate about justice. Therefore we can trust that when we surrender a situation to Him in our hearts, and practice forgiveness towards those who have hurt us, He will be faithful to work everything out.

Forgiveness is the only way to free us from the poison.

That's probably not new information for you. It wasn't for me either. But it was a reminder I needed. You have heard the quote, "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." You have also seen what happens to the person who holds a grudge against someone else: It consumes them. They talk about it. They think about it. They wonder what the other person is going to think about their latest instagram post or facebook status. They gossip. They slander. They secretly stalk the person's social media feeds and then try to live a cooler more photogenic life as a form of revenge. I have even seen it happen where the two people haven't spoken to each other in almost a decade but one of them is still convinced that the other is doing everything possible to destroy her life. Poison. Absolute poison.

But Jesus calls us to forgive. More than that, He commands us to forgive. I think He takes forgiveness so seriously because of the lavish, mind-boggling, absolutely crazy forgiveness He extended to humanity by dying for our sins. I also think it is because He is passionate about life. All throughout scripture, anywhere He went, life happened. Blind eyes opened. Dead bodies raised. Lonely people loved. Shamed women given dignity. Children valued. It's everywhere. He even said, "I have come to give you abundant life." It's no wonder then that he calls us to be people who forgive. If unforgiveness is like a poison that causes death, then forgiveness must bring life, because Jesus only commands us to do things that bring life.

Sometimes forgiveness requires us to go directly to the person who offended us and talk it through with them. Other times, when things like abuse are involved, it is safest to stay away from the offender but to extend forgiveness in our hearts through prayer and with the help of loved ones. Often for me, forgiveness involves lots of journaling so I can make sense of my scrambled thoughts and sort out whether or not the person actually did something harmful to me or if I was just being insecure and easily offended. In those cases I may still need to forgive them in my heart but it may not be necessary to talk with them about it because they didn't actually do anything wrong.

Let's do everything we can to be free from the poison. Let's love extravagantly, forgive quickly, and seek to understand each other. May people see Heaven in the way we do relationships. May we be people who assume the best and protect each other's reputations, and when we don't understand what they meant when they said that thing that hurt our feelings.... let's ask them instead of judging them for it.

Okay?

And how about another couple of F words??

Here's to fun & family! 

A couple great photos from the #batesweddingbash.

The bottom one is gold.

Relationships Q & A with Shaun & Jess Hover - Part 2

Hey guys! Here is part 2! Don't be confused by the intro, it's the same as Part 1 but I promise this is a different video. Hope you have a great weekend!

Relationships Q & A with Shaun & Jess Hover - Part 1

Hi friends :) Yesterday Shaun & I went for coffee and brought our laptop along so we could answer some of your relationship questions on video. The first 5 questions are just for fun and the later ones are more serious. The footage is like 30 minutes long so I am breaking them into smaller pieces to make it more enjoyable for you to watch. I'm excited for you guys to get to know us better, especially for you to get to know Shaun! I'm still learning how to make these videos so there are a few editing issues but overall I think it's a good start for my vlog-making career!

Thank you so much for watching and thank you guys for submitting the questions!

in a sentence.

my ramblings.
in a sentence.
not really though.
more like a few sentences.
.......

Shaun and I aren't fighters. We aren't perfect and we definitely have conflict, but we aren't fighters. He does a good job forgiving me quickly, and he is rarely, if ever, defensive. Conflict in marriage dissolves quickly if you are both on the same team. My brother-in-law Jason told me to always "assume love". We have taken his advice and it really helps. For instance (I'll use a recent example), I could easily assume that Shaun has been leaving our room a disaster lately because he is prioritizing his work over me and my needs, OR... I could "assume love" by deciding right away that he loves me and I am his priority... so the reason for Hurricane Shaun wreaking havoc in our bedroom must actually be because he is extra busy, potentially overwhelmed, and probably unaware of how stressed that makes me feel. When I approach the situation with that attitude things stay calm and together we find a solution. In this case we cleaned together while listening to nice music and talking about life. Hooray.

--

Sometimes my neck acts a fool and I can't move it. That happened yesterday and today it realllllyyyy hurts. I have a heating pad on it... but I just realized that it isn't getting hot.... Hmmmm....

--

Psalm 103 is so good. I'm trying to memorize it. I've used several options but rapping it seems to be the best method of memorization. For me anyways. Probably for Eminem too.

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Writing, editing, printing, and sending out newsletters seems like it takes a million years. This means if you receive one of mine in your mailbox you should definitely appreciate it.
Even if you don't read it, please at least hug it for me.

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If he "isn't into labels"... what he actually means is that he isn't into commitment. I know that you guys "feel really committed"... but reality is you are not committed. If he made out with another girl today he would NOT be cheating on you. That's risky and not a good place for your fragile heart to be. Value yourself more than this and define your relationship. If he won't do it then that is worth being concerned about.

--

We are going to Michigan on Thursday morning and I CAN'T WAIT!
Get ready for some wonderfully twinkly pictures in the snow.

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Lastly, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Because I often struggle with feeling like I've failed. Its so good to meditate on who God is and how He views His children. Psalm 103: 8-17.
Praying it blesses you... 

The Lord is compassionate and merciful,slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.He will not constantly accuse us,nor remain angry forever.He does not punish us for all our sins;He does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.For His unfailing love toward those who fear Himis as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.He has removed our sins as far from usas the east is from the west.The Lord is like a father to His children,tender and compassionate to those who fear Him.For He knows how weak we are;He remembers we are only dust.Our days on earth are like grass;like wildflowers, we bloom and die.The wind blows, and we are gone–as though we had never been here.But the love of the Lord remains foreverwith those who fear Him.