Is My Question Answered?

Men. Thousands of them. From all of the world. Rich men. Attractive men. European men that could be on the covers of magazines, if their successful business careers ever left them lacking in finances. 

Then there was me, dressed in black slacks and a somewhat-frumpy-looking red dress shirt that the hiring agency required us to wear. My job was to stand alongside my fellow YWAM friends and greet these great looking gentlemen and point them towards their meal. I did this for hours, for two days, breakfast and lunch, interacting with around 5,000 people.. mostly men. It got quite entertaining for my friends and I to greet the people according to their native language, switching things up from Germany's "Guten Morgen" and France's "Bonjour", to Japan's "Konichiwa"and India's "Namasday".  I also prided myself in the fake British accent I used, feeling extra confident when U.K. natives expected me to treat them as special because "we were both from the same country". 


Aside from all of the fun I was having practicing the different languages, I also experienced a deep battle within me that was undeniable. I felt myself wondering what these men thought of me. Do they think I'm beautiful? Would men of this status find me interesting and desirable? When a few of them acted flirtatious or looked at me with that look I wrestled with feeling bad for enjoying it, and yet also hoping that they would continue to recognize that even though I was hidden in my unflattering outfit, I was still an attractive young woman. All the while I was missing Shaun, because he had been in Asia for just over 20 days at this point, and I think loneliness was helping to fuel my issues with lust and insecurity. 


As I sought God for help, longing for Him to free me from myself, longing to be a faithful wife to Shaun and a faithful daughter of Christ, longing for purity... I felt Him teach me a lesson that I am still seeking to understand. The process went something like this, I will type "the voice of God" but know that it is what I felt Him showing me in my mind and at the time it did not happen as concisely as I will type it:


"Jessica, I can answer your questions. If you do not come to me for the answers you are looking for, you will always be more focused on finding the answers yourself and never move ahead into the purposes I have for your life."


"God, what answers are you talking about?"


"Well Jess, when you go about your day, and are looking to these men, and are focused on your appearance, what is it that you are wondering?"


"I wonder if I am beautiful. I wonder if I am desirable. I wonder if I am smart enough, if I dress well enough, if I am funny enough, if my personality is good enough, or if it is too much. I wonder if one day I will look back and find out that I wasted my life, or that I made too many mistakes, and if only I had just done something differently back when I was in my twenties, then everything would be different. I wonder if I am successful or if I am doing a good job at my life... 
I have lots of questions."


"Yes you do, I know them all very well. I have the answers for you, and I will be faithful to continue showing you the truth about yourself. But if you do not trust in My answers you will continue to allow men to have the power over you that only I am designed to have. If you do not allow Me to answer your questions then every man and every mirror and every situation becomes too powerful. You surrender your life to them and you believe the opinion you perceive them to have over you. Each man that you greet becomes the one who gives you your answer. If they flirt with you then temporarily you have an answer. But if they look past you, then it leaves you wondering again. I am your Creator, your Lover, your Friend, your Husband, your Father, your Lord, your Counselor, and the One that will lead you through life. Trust me to show you the truth about yourself and allow me to fill you. If you can rest in what I have to say about you then you will have the strength to move forward and share my love and life with others. You were made to shine, but when you spend your time lusting for the world, you are hiding your light. Trust in my answers and experience the freedom to be who you were made to be. "


I hope this conversation makes sense. Basically what I am learning is that we have so many questions about ourselves and our lives, and it is tempting to look to the world to get our answers. But only God has the Answer that will truly set us free. We need Jesus and He will give us the grace to trust what He has to say about us. It is not simply a fluffy way for insecure people to feel strong, it is the truth from the Creator of the Universe and no person will truly live free apart from the power of Christ. 

Do Not Love This World- 1 John 2:

 ¹⁵ Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. ¹⁶ For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. ¹⁷ And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

"..Beauty is fleeting.. but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"

Beauty is always changing. When we look back over time we see that the definition of "beautiful", according to the world, is always changing. One decade it was to be like Marilyn Monroe, just 10 years later it is to be thin like Twiggy. The constant striving to attain perfection is draining, it robs us of all peace. As I look through these pictures I am encouraged that, unlike beauty, God is unchanging. As I take my attention off of my physical appearance and place my energy in seeking Him, I will find that who I am in Him is exactly enough. Next year, it will still be that way. Ten years from now, I will still be enough... because He is enough. Instead of chasing the current "standard of beauty", we can rest in the truth that we are created in the image of the most beautiful Being that ever existed. In this we have the freedom to embrace our shape, our size, our age, our color, our skin, our hair, our gifts... all of it, because it brings glory to our Maker.   

"Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever" Hebrews 13:8

1700's

1800's

1900's beauty pageant

1930's bathing suit

1940's

1950's

1960's

1970's

1980's

1990's

2000's

She is a queen.

A couple days ago I was walking from my office to the restroom when a kind Hispanic woman quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me over to her large group of guests and excitedly asked me to give them a tour of the YWAM campus. Being that I am a complete saint and totally adaptable- I eagerly rushed over to the group of guests, without giving another thought to the overwhelming number of emails, phone calls, and applications I needed to tend to in the office, and also forgetting all together that my bladder was about to burst thanks to the morning coffee, and I greeted them wholeheartedly.. grateful that she found me instead of the other 40 people that were on the campus that day. I am laughing as I type this, hoping that you will hear the sarcasm in my voice. (I am also being kind of dramatic because I imagine a normal person would not have struggled as much as I did in this brief moment.)

So actually I was obviously a bit reluctant in my heart as I approached the woman's friends, though I think by God's grace they were not aware of my selfishness. Just as the woman asked me, "Okay, will you tell us everything that goes on here on this YWAM campus?" I began to complain in my heart and wonder how on earth I was supposed to explain everything we do here.. oh poor me... Then I felt the sweet voice of the Lord in my mind say this, "She is a Queen." She is a Queen? She didn't look like a queen. She was quite beautiful but she did not look like a queen. But thanks only to the Holy Spirit my thoughts were shifting.. this woman is a Queen. Capital Q. Queen. She is a Queen to God and to her family.. who knows who else adores her as a Queen. But she was worthy of my energy, just as the Queen of England would receive it, and just as King Jesus would receive it if He wanted to know everything we do here at YWAM LA.

Obviously when you find out you are talking to a Queen everything changes. I genuinely and excitedly shared with the precious family what we are doing on the campus and I left feeling very encouraged by the whole thing. Its so strange though, because ever since then, whenever I see someone and am about to engage in relating or conversing with them, I hear again, "She is a Queen." or "He is a King." It does not matter who they are or what they look like... I am learning that they demand the same attention as Kings and Queens.

What else does that mean? It means I too demand the respect and adoration of a Queen. Would I ever approach the Queen of England and say, "Pardon me madame, you have big thighs, wrinkly skin, and you have no sense of style, oh and you are failing at most everything you do." No way, that would be absurd. So then I better not speak to myself that way either.

So that is the thought for the week I guess. You are a Queen. He is a King. We are worthy of love and affection. Give it generously, lavishly, extravagantly.

Matthew 25:31-40

New International Version (NIV)

The Sheep and the Goats

    ³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.    ³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
   ³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
   ⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’