project beauty.

I don't really know what it is yet... but I know that I am doing it.
 PROJECT BEAUTY. I'm all in.

What do I mean?

Well... this week for some silly reason I have been struggling big time with the way I see myself.

Feeling all kinds of madness... too big... too old... too tall (to be a Disney princess)... too short (to model)... unorganized... disproportionate (small chest but bigger butt and thighs)... bumpy skin... yellow teeth ... strange nose...

I may sound like a big bundle of issues... but I'm okay with that. Because the truth is I do have issues, and so do you. I just feel especially burdened to put my issues on display in hopes that as I overcome mine, you will be able to learn from me and overcome yours too.

After laying in bed crying two nights ago because of my stupid insecurities, I feel like God is challenging to learn to love myself in an even deeper way.

See, I have been learning to love myself for the last 5 years. And trust me... I have come FAR. So I don't feel discouraged now, or surprised that I am struggling again.. because I see that life is a process and I am facing different things now than I did when I was 18.

But I'm ready to go deeper with God and experience a new understanding of His love for me. I'm ready, AGAIN, to conquer these insecurities and embrace who I am. I know that my appearance is a gift. I also know that my Creator loves how I look... HE delights in my features. I need to learn to love this body I'm in because I'm going to have it for the rest of my life.

Soooooo..... project beauty is happening in Jessica's life. I'm not copyrighting the name... and I don't need anyone else to join the project either. (Though if you want to join me please do!) Project beauty is just me getting buckwild about pursuing the truth of who I am in Christ.

It's day one of the project and here is where I am at....  
ENCOURAGEMENT.
I am choosing today to encourage myself. The same way I would encourage a struggling friend.

Everytime I look in the mirror I will think of at least one thing I love about myself, and I will thank God for that thing.
And when I lay down for bed I will thank God for 5 things I like about myself.
I did it last night... and again this morning when I woke up.
That's all. Day one of project beauty is encouragement. Simple.

The Bible says in Genesis 50:20--

"But as for you, you meant evil against me; 

but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, 

to save many people alive." 

Satan wants to destroy us through our insecurities and perversions of beauty. He wants to convince us that we will never be good enough. But here is what I have decided... the more the enemy lies to me... the more I will pursue truth... and the more truth I find ... the more truth I will share... which means more freedom for both myself and others.

What the enemy means for evil against me, God will use it for good, to save many.

This is a sunset we saw in Tijuanna last week. There is really no better artist than the Creator of the universe. If He can bring forth this much beauty from an evening sky... imagine the beauty He wants to unveil in you and me...

 

Fashion Week LA. A story.

            The lights were dimmed and the music bumping. Models were lined up backstage waiting for their cue to start walking. It was day 5 of fashion week and the final show was about to begin. Our expectations were high for God to move in these last few hours… but my brain felt fried from all that I coordinated backstage, and my body was exhausted from our twelve-hour shifts.

This was my third season dressing the models at Fashion Week in Los Angeles, and miraculously I had been promoted to “Dressing Team Supervisor”- which meant I worked closely with the backstage director to ensure that every model was dressed perfectly before hitting the runway. By God’s grace, my assistant- Anna Bishop, and I were able to fulfill the responsibilities of this role with excellence, despite having literally NO training at all.

As the last show was about to begin, I started to fear that my fatigue would hinder me from opportunities where God may have wanted to use me in. So I prayed, “Jesus, please don’t let me miss what You are doing. Please use me tonight. Help me to see how I can be a blessing to these people.”

Minutes after praying, I glanced up onto the dark stage at the lineup of girls and noticed that one of the models appeared ill.  I quickly went to her and offered my help. Very weak and barely able to ask for water, she collapsed into my arms, if I had been any later she would have fallen down the stairs. I called for help and within moments we had a team of YWAMers tending to her needs. One girl fanned her, another brought water, another offered juice, one had turkey and bread, another wiped her perspiration, one knelt to pray with her and finally one fixed her lipstick.

She recovered quickly.

Before she went onto the runway I shared with her about the prayer I had prayed right before I caught her. She said, “You know… it’s so crazy. Because I am a Christian too and just before you came over I had prayed, ‘Lord strengthen me because something is really wrong.’… Then you caught me, and all of your friends came to take care of me.”

I was blown away. Not only was she the answer to my prayer... but I was the answer to hers...

“Wow… God really loves His daughters.”

“Yeah,” she paused to think about it, “He really does.”

Praying with one of the models backstage Friday night.
"Those who look to Him are radiant..."

Fashion Week LA. A jumble of stories.

You might remember that last year I stumbled upon an opportunity to dress backstage for Fashion Week in NYC. Which then led to an opportunity to dress backstage for Style Fashion Week Los Angeles.

Well... Fast forward to this week when I found myself in charge of all of the dressers backstage for Fashion Week Los Angeles!!!

How did it happen???

Well....
Jesus.
He died. Rose again. Gave me new life. Filled me with His Spirit.
Then plopped me backstage to show other people the power of His love.

And oh man did His power show.

Like on Wednesday. When my friend Anna and I were organizing which of our dressers would be dressing each specific model. We literally sat their with our clipboards trying to make sense of things that we truly had no idea how to do.

I'll try to explain our dilemma. 4 designers. 1 show. Each with like 12 models. 1 designer would show their stuff at a time. Then the lights would dim. Music would change. And a new designer's line would start immediately. But they shared models. So a
model would walk the runway, then have like 1 minute to change her outfit into a different designer's look, 1 more minute to get her hair changed to fit that show and to get her makeup fixed, and then she was back out on the runway again.

But some models were shared between designers 1 and 2. Others between 1 and 3. Others 3 and 4.

And we had to figure out how to get our 20 dressers where they needed to be so that not a single detail was missed in and of the shows.

If you don't get it...
That's the point...
I didn't get it either.

But somehow, by the grace an power of God, we did it!

Our friends were praying like mad while we choreographed the evening on paper.

We texted our guys back at the skate house to pray for us and they texted us encouragements like, "God will guide your hands."

And He did!

We not only figured it all out, but we did everything backstage with excellence! God totally took care of everything!

He even gave me words to say when people would ask me questions that I had no idea how to answer!

The whole thing was amazing!

Before the show we gathered backstage to pray as a small group of my Christian friends. But as word got out that we were praying, more and more people joined us! Eventually our circle of prayer filled the courtyard!

During the show a girl came to me and said, "It feels so peaceful tonight! We should pray before every show!"

During the show we had girls who were able to pray with designers, models, and even the DJ for the after party wanted prayer!

My friend Nova, prayed for two models and saw them get physically healed.

My friend Katlyn led two girls in praying to receive Jesus as their Savior!

One designer asked what was different about our "energy"... Pointing out that they had never seen anything like it!

Each day God outdid Himself. Each new show brought new signs and wonders of His faithfulness!

As I prayed for Him to move each day it almost felt silly, as if He was smiling and saying,

"Jess I have always been faithful to meet you, why would I stop now?"

It's beautiful to me that the same God who moved through me with the refugees in the Himalayas of India, and with the prostitutes in the Red Light District of Thailand, and with the gangs in the ghetto of Chile... Is delighted to reveal Himself through me backstage at a fashion show.

Same God.
Same love.
Same mission- to make Himself known.
The only difference is the mission field.
But Jesus is just as passionate about models and designers, as He was about the refugees, prostitutes, and gangsters.
He is passionate about ALL of His children.

It is His desire for us to know Him, receive His forgiveness, and walk in new life, according to His great power at work in us.

What an awesome God.