Shane and Christina Nearman.

 One of the most powerful gifts I have been given in my relationship with Jesus has been the strong friendships He has given me along the way. Friendships like these are nurturing and safe, they leave room for weaknesses and also continually call out the strengths in one another.

This week I will be saying goodbye to two precious friends 

that have been vital in shaping me over the course of the last three years.

Shane and Christina Nearman.

 They are the international directors of Models For Christ. They've been married 18 years. 

They passionately love Jesus, and compassionately love people. 

We met at Peet's Coffee three years ago, and despite all of my shortcomings they have still gone out of their way to encourage my life and call out my gifts. These are people who, appearance-wise, 

are outwardly flawless, and yet they aren't at all phased by outward appearances... 

they, like God, 

"...look not to the outward appearance, but looks to the inward heart" (1 Samuel 16:7)

That's what they have done with me from the start. When I have been nervous or unsure- they have spoken words of hope and truth, they have breathed life into me and released me into things that I didn't even know I was capable of. 

By faith they have given up everything, moved to crazy places, trusted Jesus for miraculous things (that looked foolish to the eyes of people- but fit perfectly with the stories we read in the Bible), they have loved extravagantly, served without recognition, and been strong examples to us all of what it looks like to live out what Jesus said in Matthew 16:25~

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, 
but whoever loses their life for me will find it. 

I pray that as I grow, I become more like Shane and Christina Nearman.
Which means to become more like Christ.
I am so grateful for them in my life.
I wouldn't be who I am today without them.

I love you Shane and Christina! 
 Thank you for everything you do!
You really are changing the world! 

Fear of what others think.

So for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while-- you know I'm no stranger to the feelings of insecurity. No, unfortunatey insecurity and I are like dysfunctional lovers... we hate each other and yet somehow we just won't leave each other alone.
To be honest I hate being the girl who is constantly struggling with the way she sees herself. I wish I could be the gorgeous, fun girl who struggles most with something like time management, or occasional gossip. While I do wrestle with those two things often, it is no question that daily I'm most ravaged by the war in my mind to believe the truth about my beauty and my identity in Christ.
Sometimes its hell. Sometimes its not.
But most times I feel it, even if that day the struggle is not particularly brutal. 

Even just last night I was driving on the 405 and having to talk myself down, because my thoughts had gotten so mixed up in anxiety and comparison, and it took everything in me to believe that I was still beautiful, as I imagined myself standing next to some of my gorgeous model friends... feeling short... and big... and flawed.. next to them. 

It was silly. And so wrong. But still deeply painful. 

So as much as I hate being "the girl with the issues"... as long as God allows me to wage war with this stuff, I will continue to open about it with you.. in hopes that the insights I learn in this process, will encourage you in your own lives. I think we need each other. 

Which brings me to an important point that I'm learning- in order to fully walk out in the things God has for us, we need to be willing to lay down our "fear of man", or our fear of what people think... because living in that fear will ONLY hinder us. 

"The fear of man brings a snare,

but whoever trusts in God will be safe." 

(Prov. 29:25)