Insecurity.

Insecurity. That sinking feeling we get when we are using people as mirrors to determine our value. It comes with self-obsession and it becomes self-sabotage. Beth Moore is teaching me that insecurity often disguises itself through perfectionism and is frequently lived out in the tendency to control others. Makes sense... controlling things is an attempt to make things feel secure. Insecurity is a thief that snatches away potential in the most magnificent of people. Strangling the life out of relationships through jealousy and distrust. Planting fear deep in the hearts of its victims, fear so deep and so loud that it drowns out every ounce of the truth that sets us free. 

I remember moments of insecurity in high school, like walking down the hall in my volleyball uniform wondering if because my beautiful friends were the wearing the same outfit as me maybe it accentuated that my thighs were bigger or my chest was flatter than theirs. 

I remember moments of insecurity from a week ago, like in the airport on the way to Bangkok, intrigued by the different people passing by and yet silently taunted by thoughts of appearing plain in the midst of the Los Angeles travelers. 

Insecurity brings death. Death to joy, death to love, and death to a God-ordained purpose. It is not something we simply grow out of. It was there when we were young and it will be there when we are old if we do not do something about it. 

However, I am learning that insecurity can only reign if we give it permission to do so. Most of the time we do not realize that, but we actually do have control over this horrible thing.  

Often times what happens is that we begin focusing our energy and attention on a lie, for example: “I am too big.” Then as that saps the energy from us, another lie creeps in, “Time for another diet.” Now it is certain that our eyes are locked on ourselves and in comes the flood... quickly we spiral into a mess of self-hatred and condemnation: “I had an egg for breakfast, with 2 pieces of toast. I should have had one. I will skip lunch.” ... “I never have self control. I am always behind. I never do this thing right.” ... “Now this adds to the fact that my skin is more broken out than normal.” ... “That girl always makes me look bad. She is so concerned with herself. Maybe if I obsessed over working out I would be as thin as her.” ... 

And it goes on and on and on.  

So what is the answer? I believe it is a victorious process of fighting and healing. Insecurity didn’t just happen to us. Lots of factors brought us to where we are today. But  if we are willing to trust in the truth of God’s word we will not only walk securely, but we will freely lead others into their own security. We begin by asking God to make us secure... and then as we read the Bible we soak up the things He says and apply them to our daily lives. 

Take your thoughts captive to the knowledge of Christ... we need to pay attention to the things we are thinking about and not allow trash to fill our minds. Just as we are careful not to poison our bodies, we need to be careful not to poison our minds with things that lead to death. The truth of Christ brings life, we were created for it. We need it. We can’t possibly this life without it. If we desire to truly be secure in this crazy world we desperately need for God to transform the way we think... 

Romans 12:2 (New Living Translation)

2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.