I found out I was pregnant in a Panera Bread bathroom stall. We were in Huntington Beach staying with our family there and Shaun was out skating with some friends. I had felt a whirlwind of emotions in the week prior to that point, which led me to believe that one of two things was definitely true, either I needed to make an urgent appointment to see a counselor... or I was pregnant. I hadn’t intended to take a pregnancy test that evening but as I approached the Albertson’s and Panera shopping center the opportunity presented itself all too readily. I knew this Panera was classy and clean, like most other places in Orange County, so peeing on a stick in their bathroom seemed perfectly normal. I casually popped into Albertson’s to buy the test, trying my best not to look like I was anxious about whether or not my life was about to be changed forever. My strategy was to grab the test and then stroll through some other aisles of the store nonchalantly to convince any on-lookers that this test was for some time in the distant far-away future, and not to be taken in the next 5 minutes at the restaurant next door. Once I made it through the self check-out I b-lined it to Panera and straight for their restroom.
I was the only one in the bathroom when it happened, which ended up being a really good thing because the moment that little plus sign appeared I burst out laughing and genuinely couldn’t stop. I remember laughing like that when Shaun first said “I love you” to me on a swing-set in Barcelona almost 7 years ago. I also laughed like crazy on Splash Mountain at Disneyland. I don’t know what all of those things say about me other than maybe with exactly the right combination of shock, joy and adrenaline, I can’t help but laugh like mad woman. Anyway after I pulled myself together and managed to leave the bathroom I was at a loss for what to do next. What do people do after they find out they are pregnant? I sat in a chair and tried to read the Bible, because that seemed like a pretty solid thing to do, but it didn’t work, all I could do was think about my new secret. So after a few minutes of pretending to read the Bible I left Panera and started to walk home.
I had high hopes of finding some adorable Pinteresty way of telling Shaun he was going to be a Dad. Like one of my best friends who wrote it in on the bottom of a Starbucks cup, or two of my other friends who bought their men “world’s best dad” coffee mugs, (...is it becoming obvious that my people are coffee people?...) but plans didn’t quite go as I’d hoped. As I walked home the sun was setting and the beach sky was turning gloriously pink, I decided it was a good time to call Shaun and find out when he would be home, so that I could tell him the good news in person and in my oh-so-delightfully-extra-special way. As soon as I heard his voice, however, I blew it, which really shouldn’t be a surprise for the girl who took her test in a Panera bathroom. I think cute Pinterest girls always take their tests in the comfort of their own homes. Not me. So he answers the phone and I immediately squeal, “Baby! The craziest thing just happened! ... I just took a pregnancy test! ... And it was positive!” There it was. The big secret spilled. Shaun was of course thrilled about it and came home right away so we could celebrate. He has been ready to be a dad since the day we got married. He has never put pressure on me to have kids, but has always made it very clear that whenever I felt ready, he was ready too. At the end of August I nervously told him that I thought.... maybe.... I felt ready, and on November 1st we found out our babe was on the way. My husband makes quick work.
I haven’t dreamed of being a mom. I didn’t long for it as a young girl and I’ve never really been all that into children. I know kids are incredibly special and I love when people love them, but I personally have never felt particularly comfortable being around little ones. In fact people closest to me know that I’ve prayed a lot about this over the last few years because I have had some serious fears about becoming a mother. I can tell you more about that in a different post, but basically what I am getting at is that this whole thing feels new, and scary, and yet somehow exactly right. I know that life is a gift and that the Giver of life is the One I have placed my trust in. I trust Him to care for me and now I trust Him to care for my growing little one.
I’m almost 15 weeks along (3 and a half months) and I haven’t known what I’m doing pretty much this entire time. I think that’s okay. Because I’m not the one in charge of forming this little treasure in my womb. My God is doing just fine with that. So I just sit here and continue to do what I always do when I don’t know what to do... I pray. I pray when I’m excited. I pray when I’m scared. I pray when I’m anxious and can’t tell if I’m overeating and it’s a bad thing, or just pregnant-lady eating, which doesn’t seem to be a problem. I pray when my eating leads to nausea and I pray again when my nausea leads to bathrooms. I pray when I don’t know if we’ll be delivering the babe in Barcelona or LA and I pray to say thanks again for my awesome new set of pregnant boobs. When I don’t know what to do, I just pray. Because I'm convinced that the One who hears my prayers is faithful to meet my needs, just like He did before I was pregnant, and just like He will again after.
Special thanks to Panera Bread for providing a clean stall to change my world in. You’ll forever hold a special place in our hearts. Also, I’m sorry I didn’t buy anything that day. I promise I have made up for it since then.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows." James 1:17
"Always be joyful. Never stop praying, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NLT)
"Children are a gift from the Lord, they are a reward from Him, children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands. How joyful is the man who's quiver is full of them!"
Psalm 127:3-4, 5a
PS. Let's celebrate my baby's Daddy becoming pro
for Untitled Skateboards! Woohoo!
Watch his "Welcome to pro" video below & visit
Untitledskate.com to order his first ever official pro model board!