a backpack full of marshmallows.

When my friend was a little girl, maybe 4 years old, she ran away from home. Her mom had withheld something that my friend REALLY WANTED and so in a fit of little-girl-rage she packed her backpack and took off out the front door. Her mom stood by the door watching as she ran. Barely making it past the neighbors house, she plopped down in someone's front lawn and decided that she was too tired to keep running. Her mom gently walked over to her, scooped her up, and carried her home. Together they unpacked her backpack... which was filled with marshmallows... and that was the end of the story. She ran away. She was carried home. And she realized that being home with mom, even in times when mom said "No"... was better than being alone in the world with a backpack full of marshmallows.

Profound right?

I think so.

I feel like I'm not so different from that 4 year-old little one.

It's not my mama that is telling me "No", its worse, its my God. And when I hear it, I'm tempted to take off running... my backpack is not full of marshmallows, but I can assure you that my "bags" are so heavy my shoulders ache from their contents. I end up running from God, bearing the weight of my desires, my pleasures, my feelings, my past choices, and my ideas of what is best for me.... I stuff them all in this weary heart of mine and head for the door.

Like the little girl, it doesn't take long on the journey until exhaustion sets in.
Doing life alone is hard. Escaping from the love of my Maker is even harder.

There are times when I don't even want to look back at God. I don't want to pray. I don't want to go to church. I don't even want to hear about Him.... because I know that just like my friend's mother standing at the door as her little girl ran away... He is watching me too. I haven't left His sight. All it would take is for me plop down on the neighbors yard, give up control, and wait as He comes close, scoops me up, and takes me back into His gentle care. And THAT feels scary. Because it requires surrender. Laying down my pride. Trusting His best for me.

And trusting... that even if he tells me "No", or withholds something from me that I DESPERATELY WANT, it is still better to trust Him than to take matters into my own hands.

As a 4 year-old girl, alone on the streets, with just a bag of marshmallows, my friend would not have survived. She would have quickly become sick of marshmallows. She would have become tired. She would have realized before long that she really doesn't know much of anything about how to take care of herself.

All the while her loving mother was actually overqualified to care for her daughter. She had already raised my friend's older siblings. She knew my friend, better than my friend knew herself. She knew her favorite things, her allergies, her bedtime, her wakeup time, she knew her gifts and her weaknesses... she knew that 2 marshmallows was enough, and that 3 would give her a tummy ache. As a mother it was her delight to give my friend her favorite things, and in her love it was also her responsibility to protect her daughter from things that would be harmful for her.... even if it was the ONLY thing her daughter wanted in that moment.

Not so far off from me and my Father in Heaven.

As a 24 year-old girl, fleeing from Love, I would not survive. I would destroy myself with my desires. I'd become exhausted. And it wouldn't take long to realize that I really don't know much of anything about how to care for myself.

All the while my loving God is supremely overqualified to care for me. He is the Maker of Heaven and earth. Creator of my inmost being. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows my favorites, He knows my fears, He knows my gifts, He knows my weaknesses... He knows that a coffee in the morning is a blessing, but if I drink too much throughout the day I'll end up restless and anxious. As my Heavenly Father, it is His delight to give me my favorite things, and in His love it is also His responsibility to protect me, His daughter, from things that would be harmful for me.... even if it is the ONLY thing I wanted in that moment.

So I'm writing this from the arms of my Father. He found me on the neighbors yard where I plopped down in exhaustion after running away. He already helped to me to unpack my bags. Now I'm just resting.

That is the end of the story.
She ran away. She was carried home. And she realized that being with Jesus, even in times when He said "No"... was better than being alone in the world with everything she ever wanted.

Sadie and Lily being beautiful little girls.