Brave.

I don't feel very brave.

In fact at this very moment I feel:
unsure...
a bit nervous...
tired of painting... packing... and moving...
happy to be sitting...
hesitant about China...
painfully aware of my weaknesses...
and curious as to how Taza is always able to look so perfect in every blog post.(If you don't know who Taza is, that's okay. She is a beautiful blogger with a fantastic blog. You can google her.)  

Back to brave.

I was thinking about having a theme for my year. Like a word... or a phrase... something I frequently refer back to as I make my decisions. (PS. This idea was inspired by a lovely friend of a friend. Her name is Megan Romeo and her blog is www.partyforthree.blogspot.com)

After praying, thinking, and talking to Shaun, I have decided that my word will be... (drumroll please...)

brave.

Interesting though. Because it reflects so little of my personality.

I'm the girl who reeeeaaaaallllllllllllyyyyy thinks things through.

I'm the nervous girl.

I'm the girl who snuck out of the house in high school with my best friend Angie to meet some older boys. By the time we made it out of the house, into their car, and half-way down the street, I convinced them that it would be better to turn around and drop us off. Angie agreed. We went home. (And those boys never asked us to hang out at night again.)

I'm that girl.

But this year... that girl has decided to be a brave girl.

And this brave girl has some plans for the year.
She will not bore you with all of them...
but mainly this brave girl has decided to take risks with God.

She will trust God.

I will trust God.

As brave girl, I will believe that God will be faithful.

Even when I am afraid. Even when I'm unsure.
Even when everything points towards failure...

I, brave girl, will rest in the love of God.

Like Peter in the gospels, who was willing to step out of a boat and walk on water when Jesus invited him...

I, brave Jessica, will trust in Christ's invitation to me, to step out of the boat of my own comfort and abilities, and walk on the water of faith--- believing that as I keep my eyes on Him, He will meet my needs and glorify Himself in awesome ways.

So where will this brave girl start?

I will start by getting fully moved out of our cute little house and into our room at a cute not-so-little church. This is where we will be living for the next 6 months.

Where will we go after that? We don't know. But that's okay. Because bravery means I am trusting that God has a plan, even when I don't.

Then we will go to China. In fact, China doesn't even know what's coming.
This brave girl is going to bless China's socks off. (assuming Chinese people wear socks....hmm... I'll let you know.)

Then where will brave Jessica go? Well, I already told you in a recent post that I'm going to New York City. But honestly, in that post I was more thinking that nervous Jessica was going to New York. But guess what? Nervous Jessica is not invited.

BRAVE JESSICA IS GOING TO NEW YORK.

How can I be brave in New York?

I can be brave by trusting that I am exactly where I am supposed to be when I'm there. I can trust that when I am backstage at Fashion Week the Lord will give the me the words AND the skills to do a great job. I can believe that He will provide me with the needed funds, food, and faith to have an amazing outreach. I can believe that even in the midst of picture perfect runway models..
I am beautiful. 

Not like... my-blind-grandma-in-a-rocking-chair-thinks-I'm-beautiful 

BUT like

Victoria's Secret va-va-voom, can't-help-but-look-twice-because-God-did-a-good-job-on-me kind of beautiful. 

Why would I call that "bravery"? 

Because friends, it means going against what I might feel.
It requires faith.

And living by faith is brave.

Hi. I'm Jessica. && I'm brave. 

Welcome to 2013!

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High

will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

This I declare about the Lord:

He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;

he is my God, and I trust him.

For he will rescue you from every trap

and protect you from deadly disease.

He will cover you with his feathers.

He will shelter you with his wings.

His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Psalm 91:1-4